Long Update From Janet; Short Update From Me

I hadn't heard from Janet since Saturday, so I was praying that "no news is good news".  So I emailed her today--and sure enough--no news is good news!  But she still needs prayers.

Here is a quick recap from her long email:

• Today marks 24 weeks and 1 day, and Madison is still inside (yay!)
• Doctors gave her the first round of steroids on Saturday, and second round on Monday, so she is very hopeful that they have begun to help Madison's lungs and brain
• She's currently still on bedrest at the hospital with the NICU, and will have another ultrasound on Thursday to see how things look
• Every doctor has a different opinion--and most are more "liberal" and want to send her home after the ultrasound on Thursday to wait things out at home
• Although most doctors prefer to take a more "liberal" approach, the "Head Doctor" and her "Original OB" are both advocating for a more "conservative" approach...so they will all meet on Thursday to decide the best course of action
• Janet wants to stay on bedrest at this current hospital with the NICU until at least 28 weeks (she's afraid that she would have a 40-60 minute commute to this hospital from her home; or a 5-10 minute commute to the original hospital...but the original hospital doesn't have a NICU)
• She definitely feels God's presence--within one hour she received a call from her "Original OB" to check in on her, a social worker stepped in to offer assistance in intervening between the "liberal" and "conservative" doctors and to voice Janet's concerns, and the hospital chaplain just happened to stop by to pray with her--all within just one hour when Janet needed it the most (in her own words:  "It is too much by coincidence this all happened within an hour or so.  It is truly God helping Madison and I.  I never felt such powerful motherhood instinct to fight for my daughter growing in me.")

She also asks for the following prayers:

• That the doctors at Brigham (with the NICU) will allow her to stay here until it is safe to leave (ideally 28 weeks)
• Wisdom to speak the right words when she meets with the coordinator tomorrow, who is supposed to advocate for her
• Relief from cramping, heavy pain "down there", lower back pain, and the stress from all of the conflicting opinions

So, she has passed the first milestone (first round of steroids), and the second milestone (second round of steroids)...and now she's praying for the chance to stay on bedrest at the hospital with the NICU as they prepare for Madison's arrival--which could be any day...but is hopefully at least four weeks from now. Please keep her and Madison in your prayers.

As for me, I went in for my glucose screening test yesterday.  I haven't heard the results yet, but I've been trying to be careful about my sugar and gluten intake since...well...this time last year (though I've definitely reintroduced more whole wheat products into my diet during this pregnancy).  I'm still on the Metformin, which my doctor says will help my results (but assures me that I'm "not cheating").  Also, since we'll be on vacation, I had to reschedule my next appointment and push it back a week.  So instead of a three week wait to see our Baby Girl...I'll have to go four.  Eek!  I can do it--I know that I can.  Like I said previously, the time goes by a bit quicker now that I feel her kicking on a day to day basis.  So by my next appointment, I'll be at 29 weeks...and I would imagine that they would start seeing more more regularly at that point. 

Today's blessing (or perhaps I should say "last night's blessing") was sleeping through the entire night without coughing.  Hooray!  I'm still congested, cough on-and-off throughout the day, and sound like I swallowed a frog--but it was so great to sleep peacefully last night.  I literally woke up thanking God for such a good rest. 

Happy Father's Day!

I love my dad.  A couple of weeks ago, he mentioned that he would love to see pictures of my growing belly.  I figured that Father's Day was as good as time as any to share some pictures with him.  And since I shared them with him...I might as well share them with you all as well:

Side note:  this was taken about two weeks ago (before my husband left), so I've grown a bit since.  Everyone keeps saying that I'm small for being due in Septembmer, but my doctor assured me that I'm measuring exactly where I need to be.

Back to Father's Day stuff--I really do love my dad.  Since he's a pastor, he had the flexibility of setting his own schedule--which means that he was able to volunteer in my class a lot when I was really little, coach my softball and soccer teams, and was always there for us when we needed him.  He often had to work in the evenings, but always made it home in time to read to us before bed--and continued to do so until my youngest brother graduated from high school.  My love of sports comes from him, and I fondly remember listening to Pac-10 football games on the radio en route to Saturday afternoon soccer games (long before Cal ever had a decent program).  He also helped me to appreciate camping out the outdoors (though much of that is credited to my mom as well).  And yes, my frugal ways come from him as well.  I truly love him, and am honored to be his daughter.

They say that you typically end up marrying someone who is similar to your father.  In some ways, yes--my husband is so much like my dad.  He is honest, sincere, works hard, values family, and loves baseball.  But in other ways, my husband is very different.  Though he genuinely loves me, he sometimes lacks the sensitivity that is so characteristic of my dad.  Last year on Father's Day, shortly after our third loss, my husband confessed that he doesn't consider himselt to to a "father".  This broke my heart--because I felt that if he wasn't a father...then I couldn't be a mother.  And I did consider myself to be a mother--from the day I found out I was pregnant.  Today in church, the worship leader asked all the fathers to raise their hands.  This time, to my delight, my husband raised his hand in recognition of his role.  Based on our conversation from last year, I didn't go overboard this year in planning anything special for him for Father's Day...but I have agreed to cook lasagna for dinner for him tonight in celebration.

So to all of the dads out there on Father's Day--both those who have raised us and those who will help raise our children--Happy Father's Day.  And to my dad and the soon-to-be dad of our Baby Girl--I love you both.

Today my blessing is having my husband home after being gone for two weeks for his Army Reserve obligations.  We were a little bit concerned that he might not make his connecting flight last night, but it all worked out.  Sadly, he refuses to kiss me and opted to sleep on the couch since I'm still coughing like crazy...but it was nice to cuddle with him last night and this morning, and to just know that he's here.  He leaves again on Tuesday for a short trip for work, so I just want to cherish the short time that I have with him.

Update From Janet: First Round of Steroids

I plan to share my own update tomorrow, but for now, I have an update from Janet (I admit that I've been compulsively checking my email all day, praying for good news):

First of all I want to thank everyone for their constant prayers...

I know a lot of you texted me regarding the updates.  So I originally sent this email below (slightly edited w/details) to Maeguerite at 7:00am but I thought best to copy and paste because it's so hard to type in the trendelenburg position.  Please read below:

I did end up transferring to Bringham's yesterday via ambulance early afternoon.  I slept late, but well for the 1st time. Probably because I was so exhausted the night before. I'm now on the high risk floor.  At around 1 am, I was transferred from the temporary room to a permanent one. Eddie is here with me and sleeping but has to leave soon. 

The only bad news is I'm bleeding significantly and we're monitoring it. It may be from all the exams because I've been poked and prodded with a short cervix several times this week. Baby's heartbeat is there so it's reassuring.

I will receive steroids today and meet with the nicu unit to educate us what are our chances statistically with baby Madison.  The steroids will only work up to 7 days maximum before it starts to lose its effectiveness.  They can only administer it twice in my entire pregnancy and not before a two week period.  So for example, I'm 24 wks + 5 days today.  It'll wear off 25 wks + 5 days. But I can't take the drug until 26 wks + 5 days.  If I go into contractions and things subside, they can issue steroids again except it may not be as effective as the first administered drug.  And it will be my last time.  Studies have shown that more than twice, it will show neurological affects and delayed, slowed mental developments.  Also babies who have this tend to have smaller heads. Or forehead. I didn't catch exactly which part of head but I understood it's not good for the baby.  Administering the steroids for two uses did not show adverse affects. And the drug tends to be successful with girls i/o boys.

So now I'm praying...in addition to the previous prayer requests:

1.) That the bleeding would stop and is only minor result from being sensitive from tests. No additional damage has been done to cervix and would quickly heal!
2.) Steroids will help Madison's lungs and brain grow. First milestone, making it to Monday. Second milestone, doctors all want 28 weeks at least. I so desire full-term =) 34-36 weeks.
3.) We're continually praying for full term (another 6-8 weeks) so I can return to Newton Wellesley hospital and deliver a healthy baby.
4.) I know this request is weird but the parking situation for my hubby. It's $30 a day here and meter parking is far away (more than 3 blocks). But it's important that my hubby can be there with me and parking costs are costly.

5.) Praying for no infections and no placental issues (ie placental abruption...if placenta detaches then baby will have no food and life supply).

6.) *Cerclage stitch (the only thing holding Madison in) to stay strong and no tear through permanent damage or there's a chance I will never be able to have children again.
 

So I wanted to share with you guys that despite all that I've been through. Despite 2 weeks+ of strict bedrest (no shower, commode use, laying down eating / trendelenburg position, etc.), three episodes of mild to strong contractions, more funneling of cervix (seeing Madison's feet dangling in and out of my cervix is nerve-wracking) She wants to come out!  A new danger everyday...possible infections and need to terminate, or heavy massive bleeding today and having doctors say "You might deliver today"?! I reply to the doctor "but she won't be able to survive without the steroids".  They nodded their heads and understood.  Sigh... I was praying to God again, "Not now".  I've made it this far and took it a day at a time.  Thankfully I received steroids at 9 am today.  And my second shot is due tomorrow.  It won't start working until Monday.  She will then jump start the lungs to breath.  I'm so close to her viability!  Still I have great faith during this time of suffering.  And I've been very calm and at peace.

I thank God for each and every one of you and for the amazing support of emails, phone calls, texts, blog friends, prayers and for all the cheerleaders rooting for Madison.  I'm also SO excited for both my sister in laws.  My hubby's sister is due in 2 weeks and my brother's wife is due in August! =)  Please keep them in prayer too.  

Each day seemed the impossible.   Each day is a prayer answered!!! =)  Thanks for listening....

PS- I don't want anyone to feel left out.  I do receive your long emails and even your prayer requests which I lift up everyday, every hour.  It's just real hard to get back to everyone.  But each one touches my heart deeply. So, I just want to say thank you.  

Love, 
Janet

After checking my email all day long for an update, it's a blessing to know that Janet and Madison made it through another night (with good rest!) and reached the first milestone.  There are still so many more milestones to go...but it's good to know that she's been very calm and at peace.  Her faith inspires me.  Please keep her in your prayers.

Urgent Prayers for Janet and Madison

It's 4:00 am in Arizona, but I woke up to my own nightmare (as in a dream) and couldn't fall back to sleep...so decided to check my blog/facebook/email.  And now I have a reason to be awake--so that I can pray for Janet, who is going through her own real-life nightmare on the East Coast.  Here is her most recent email from early this morning:


It's 5am and I had a huge scare. I'm still praying right now as I'm writing this letter that things will get better. At 3:44am I woke up freezing, shivering and contractions. I immediately paged the nurse but words could not come out of my mouth. I was dazed and confused.  One minute I thought I had to go to the bathroom. The next I couldn't stop the shivers and my body kept wanting to push the baby down and I felt pressure in my cervix.  My back was hot my body was cold. First the pca brought blankets and said if I need a nurse. I said of course! Nurse came and asked what's wrong, again I struggled to speak through my chattering teeth.  I said can they check if I'm contracting? She said of course. All the meanwhile I'm trying to control the shivering and tried to stop the urge to push.

They couldn't find my baby's heartbeat. I was afraid either it was too late or I pushed Madison down. I kept praying and talking to Madison to hang in there.  It took them 30 minutes, 3 nurses to find a simple heartbeat.  The entire labor + delivery team came running by my side just in case I was about to deliver.  I knew if that was the case it is too late to save my baby. I continually prayed to God, "Not now!". I already lost one, I can't go through this again.

Finally a faint heartbeat...the contractions stopped but the shivers and shaking was still there.  I took deep breaths still praying to God, "I believe you will save this baby.".

The doctor on shift asked questions. The medical staff put the contraction + fetal monitor. One hour later things calm down.  This is the 2nd or 3rd scare this week... But the worst scare.

Doctor is still scared to check down there. It's not worth checking until Monday when the baby is considered viable. And even then. I prayed that my bag of waters didn't pop or in my cervix because the baby has been kicking hard and moving a lot.

So two things doctor explained...
1. infection is common during a cerclage. They took my cbc blood count and it should come back in an hour.  If positive it's not good. They'll have to confirm with an amniocentesis and take fluids from the baby's sac. With that too, is a risk and I could lose the baby through testing. Hoping the test is negative.
(The reason they took the cbc I have been having drenching sweat which is a new symptom when I wake up from sleep - 3x) usually with temperature changes alarm for infections. If positive, they cannot give me steroids to help baby's lungs mature faster. And I will have to deliver this baby and that means its too early, she won't make it. They have to do it to save me from the infection.

2. they said depending on the doctor. And if results of cbc count come back negative. Then the earliest I can receive steroids is Sat. But that's up to my doctor. Every dr is different. The latest Monday because the baby is considered viable.  That's 3 more days!!! So close. Without steroids, there is no chance she will make it in this world. And it takes 2 dosages, 24 hrs each to administer for it to be effective. That's not until Wednesday!

So pray for the following -
1.) No Contractions or even dilation.
2.) That damage has not been already done to cervix because then dr's can't help or put the baby back in me.
3.) NO INFECTIONS or its too late for my baby for chance of steroids and I will have to deliver out of no choice.
4.) That doctors will give steroids sooner than later if necessary to greater her chances of living.
5.) Give wisdom to my doctor's and medical staff.
6.) That Madison will ultimately reach full-term and be a healthy baby.
7.) Praying that God will finish what has begun, this beautiful gift of life + blessing in me and that I would trust in Him.

Doctor's never give me a definitive answer but I hope that I get transferred to a level four hospital with a neonatal unit just in case. I'm praying it will never come to that because there have been rare cases that some have made it to 32 weeks or 36 weeks.  I pray that I will be one of those people.  So I'm praying for a miracle baby. Please continue to pray.

My dad gave me a bible verse the other day that I wrote in my journal...
Matthew 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for me in prayer."

Then there's that story about the fig tree. Jesus said that if you have faith, not doubt you can move mountains to the sea.  If Jesus can do that, then I'm certain he can save this baby.

The nurses and dr's move all my things off the bed and as you know I am bedridden. I'm not only laying flat 24/7 but in the trendelenburg position (feet elevated up and head down--like a see-saw position) to take off pressure from the cervix and to prevent baby from falling downwards (gravity).

Sorry--nurse came in and it took another 20 minutes to locate her heartbeat. Made us all nervous.

So its not only the cervix, or stitch giving way. There are other factors that can cause preterm labor such as infection, stress, etc.

I had to update because I really need your prayers with 3 days to viability. Monday I will have an ultrasound to see how bad or good my cervix is. At that point they will make executive decisions.

Thank you for taking time to read this.
Thank you for your prayers...

Love,
Janet (Eddie + baby Madison)

It doesn't seem like the word "nightmare" can even begin to describe what she is going through.  Please pray for her.  As you can hear from her words, she is an amazing woman of faith, but she needs our prayers now more than ever.  Please feel free to post comments, support, and prayers on her blog or here on mine, and I'll forward them to her later in the day via email (she is checking email through her Blackberry, but doesn't have easy access to her blog).

As for my blessing...when I woke up from that dream/nightmare this morning, it never crossed my mind that it could be a "blessing".  But now I am glad that God shook me awake so that I could spend some time praying for Janet.

Cousins

I've known since Sunday...but my parents just found out today.  And since my parents read my blog, I wasn't about to leak the secret that my brother and sister-in-law just found out that they are pregnant! 

I'm thrilled for them (and I'm honored that she called me that day to share).  I liked my sister-in-law from the moment I met her, but we have gotten so much closer in the time since we both experienced loss (she lost her son at 30 weeks in September 2008, a week before my first loss).  She has been so incredibly supportive of me through my journey, and while we sometimes experience things a bit differently, she totally gets me and respects my decisions.

In chatting with her over the last few days, it's so weird how each doctor's office approaches pregnancy different.  I thought it was pretty standard that you take a hpt...get a positive...get your first beta...wait 48 hours...get your second beta...pray that it doubles...schedule an ultrasound...wait...pray that there is a heartbeat...react accordingly.  Sounds pretty standard, right?  But perhaps I'm coming at this from a history of early losses...because her doctor only had her come in for a urine test...got the confirmation...and scheduled an ultrasound for July 8th.  No betas, no nothing!  Just three+ weeks of waiting and wondering.  She seems to be handling it pretty well.  She has shared with me that after her late loss, she's more concerned about the end of the pregnancy than the beginning...which is understandable.

But I'm still concerned for her--not because there is any particular reason to worry--but simply that I find myself worrying about anyone's early pregnancy.  I'm just acutely aware of the fragility of life--so I pray that her hcg levels do indeed double--even if she doesn't have any way to confirm.  I pray that her baby's heart beat properly--and that she have a beautiful experience on July 8th.  I pray that we both have happy and healthy babies--and that they become happy and healthy cousins.  Please join me and lift my brother and sister-in-law and their new baby up in your prayers.

Aside from rejoicing over my brother and sister-in-law's pregnancy, today's blessing was hearing from Janet, and learning that "no news is good news".  Madison is still inside her uterus...and really needs to stay put for at least a few more days (but preferably for a few more weeks...or ideally a few more months!).  She had a couple of scary moments--both of which were quickly addressed--but she finds that nights seem to be the scariest times, so you can add "peace and rest at night" to her list of specific prayer requests.  It's a blessing to know that there are so many of you out there who are praying for Janet and Madison through this experience.

Listening To My Body

I had started to title this post "Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired"...but that sounded like too much of a complaint.  Rather, I decided that it was time that I start listening to my body.  I'm still trying to get over this cold...and it's just not happening nearly as quickly as I'd like (as I've shared on plenty of other occasions, patience is rarely one of my virtues). 

In listening to my body, I came home early from work yesterday, and I'm staying home today.  In all honesty, I probably should not have even gone in yesterday in the first place, but it was one of our Orientation days (the largest so far, in fact), and I'm just too darn responsible.  I really struggled with both decisions--first, to go in yesterday; second, to not go in today.  I want to be a good employee and colleague, but I also want to be good to my body and to my growing baby girl.  So I sacrificed my health for half the day yesterday, and am sacrificing work today.

Luckily, I do have a doctor's appointment this afternoon.  The highlight will be the opportunity to see our baby girl again, but I'll also be sure to ask her about safe cold remedies.  If possible, I'd like to avoid any medication or antibiotics.  Part of me wishes that my husband were here to take care of me while I'm sick...but the other part of me is glad that he's away so that I'm not getting him sick or keeping him up all night with my coughing and rolling around in bed (it is kind of nice to have the bed all to myself as well).

I haven't heard any word from Janet lately, so I'm really hoping and praying that "no news is good news".  Please continue to pray for her (some specific prayer requests can be found here). 

Today's blessing is the chance to see our baby girl again this afternoon.  Now that I feel her kicking all the time, it's a lot easier to make it through the three-week stretches, but it's still so amazing to see her.  I've also been formulating more and more questions for my doctor, so it will be good to have the chance to chat with her.

Outed on Facebook (and Specific Prayers for Janet)

A couple of months ago, I shared that I hadn't intended to share my pregnancy on facebook.  And so far, I've been able to avoid the who sharing-my-pregnancy-in-such-a-public-manner...until now.

Like I mentioned a few days ago, my husband is out of town for two weeks for his Army Reserve duties.  He's at a class on a base where some of his friends are now stationed, and he's really enjoyed catching up with them.  These are officers that I knew and enjoyed while they were stationed here in Arizona, so I guess that it's normal for him to share what's going on in our lives...namely, this pregnancy.  Sure enough, one of his former female colleagues left a very excited post on my profile today to congratulate us.  It is a very sweet gesture, and it wouldn't even faze most pregnant women...but I'm not most pregnant women.

I don't know if anyone will even notice her post.  I knew her through my husband, so we have very few mutual friends who would see the comment in their news feed.  I even admit that my first thought when I saw the email notification was to delete the comment from my wall...but that didn't feel right either.  So it's there, and I'm outed.  I don't know how I'll address it yet.  I feel like I need to acknowledge it somehow--not just her posting, but the pregnancy as well.  I'm considering writing a note (as opposed to a status update) so that I can explain myself or something...  Perhaps I'll do so when I reach the third trimester...or maybe 30 weeks...or maybe as we're headed to the hospital...or maybe once we're home safe and sound with our baby girl.  I haven't quite figured it out yet...but like every other step in this pregnancy--I'll get there someday.

As for Janet, I have the following update from her (she shared that they have chosen to name their baby girl "Madison"):


I ask you to pray with me in the next 8 days (which is my 1st milestone) because it's a matter of life and death for this baby.  Madison is currently 1 lb + 3 oz. She's a little on the smaller size so I'm praying she will be matured by the time she is ready for birth.

So what I'm really praying for is the following:
1-No contractions or dilation!
2-Keep my cervix closed and tight. Praying the stitch won't break.
3-Praying for a healthy baby girl! Specifically Madison.
4-Pray that the steroids will work to mature her lungs and no bleeding in the brain so that she will be able to survive outside the womb.
5-That I will rest my fears in this most stressful time and think of only happy thoughts.
6- That I won't lose my faith in God. Because God knows--this is a true test!
7- Pray for my husband and family because I know they are worried about me but I want them to be strong, so I can be too!

Since she is on strict bedrest at the hospital so that she can be monitored, she doesn't anticipate that she will be able to blog much, but she has shared that it's okay for me to post updates for her here.  Please feel free to spread her story to other "prayer warriors" out there.

Today's blessing was the chance to talk to both of my brothers on the way home from work.  I really enjoy them both so much, and I look forward to seeing them in late-July.