Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Not Something I'm Choosing To Do

My very-dear friend posted pictures of their most recent ultrasound on facebook, and went as far as to make one of the photos her profile picture as well.  That's great for her.  It really is.  I believe that every pregnant women has the right to share their pregnancy as they see fit. But it's not something I'm choosing to do.

Before I go any further, let me first state that I respect that women have a choice in what they choose to share.  I was a Communication major in college, so I totally value the freedom of speech.  I'm not saying that anyone is "bad" or "wrong" for sharing a pregnancy through social networking sites.  I'm simply saying that I have chosen not to share my pregnancy through facebook.

In the last three years that have brought us to where we are now, I admit that I have "hidden" pregnant friends on facebook before.  I'm not necessarily "proud" of my behavior.  But in between the trying and the losses, it sometimes just got to be too much for me.  While I was happy for them, and glad that God blessed them with their pregnancies, I just couldn't bear to look at all of their beautiful ultrasound pictures and bulging belly shots.  To be honest, I was jealous of what they had.  And even though I know that not a single one of them intended to cause me pain, it still hurt to look at their announcements and pictures.  The profiles of the women who were due around the same time as me were the hardest to handle.

And so, I choose not to make a facebook announcement.  I don't want to cause anyone the sort of pain that I experienced.  Now that we are in the second trimester, I have reached out to a larger handful of friends to share our news with them.  I just don't want anyone to be caught off guard the way in a hurtful way.

And yet, I realize that there are some things that I can't control.  The same day that she posted her ultrasound pictures, my very-dear friend also posted pictures from the family Easter extravaganza, in which my baby bump is barely starting to show.  My husband (who hasn't seen me since last week) could tell that there was a baby bump, but I don't know how many others would guess (or would even care to look at pictures of me).  While I realize that I could "un-tag" the pictures of me, that almost feels like I'm trying to "hide" this pregnancy--and that's not what I'm trying to do either.  Rather, I'm simply choosing not to publicize my pregnancy on facebook (and I do recognize and appreciate that my very-dear friend, knowing our history and my state of being "cautiously optimistic", did not draw any extra attention to my baby or my bump with any additional tags).

Again, it's perfectly fine to share a pregnancy on facebook.  Please don't be offended if you have basked in the glow of endless comments wishing you congratulations, or if you are anxiously looking forward to some clever way to announce a pregnancy in the future.  It's your right, and you've definitely "earned" it.  I'm just simply sharing that it's not something I'm choosing to do.

Today's blessing isn't so much for me, as it is for my husband.  He's still on the East Coast for work, but he gets to reconnect with his former roommate/best man tonight in DC for a Phillies/Nationals game (the former roommate/best man is from Pennsylvania, but is now living in DC, so this is the perfect game for him.  He's an amazing guy and was so welcoming of me when I started dating my husband, and I'm so glad that my husband will have a chance to reconnect with him tonight.


  1. I just "came out" on facebook. It was only because you can't post pictures of me without my pregnancy being VERY obvious. I guess the first pictures went up 2 weeks ago, so at 33 weeks.
    I didn't share anything else for the same reasons as you. I didn't want to hurt people and I didn't want to go through the process of deleting comments if anything bad happened. Now I have lots of comments and lots of people are surprised at how long I waited. Oh well. I feel better about it.

  2. I hid my own sister on FaceBook because of the ultrasound/belly pics and constant status updates.

  3. I actually left facebook because I couldn't handle seeing all of my friends' pictures and updates. It was too hard.

  4. I completely understand where you are coming from. Though I haven't hidden my pregnant friends or friends who just had babies, the thought has crossed my mind. I have even thought of leaving Facebook for awhile completely because its so difficult sometimes. Because of what I have gone through I've definitely looking at how I handle the news on facebook as you have had. What you are doing is prefectly understandable and normal!

  5. Hi Laura, I know that feeling. I have not even mentioned to my relatives on facebook. The friends I'm close to or have announced for prayer purposes, I have told them not to congratulate me on facebook. Both my sis-in-law's are pregnant and have announced on facebook (except I). It's perfectly normal & you need to do what makes you feel comfortable. =) I hope you have a wonderful time with your hubby.

  6. Catching up again and wanted to say, do what feels right for you. Sometimes what feels right to some doesn't to others. It's Ok and your feelings are natural.

  7. Don't feel bad about not posting your pregnancy or hiding people on Facebook. You have to do what feels right for you Laura. I think you are doing a great job! I know I often get sad when I see others pregnancy posts, but as you said it's their right...I just can't say that it's right for me anymore.


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