After our appointment on Wednesday, I figured it was finally time to share our news with the "big boss lady". I had told my immediate supervisor about this pregnancy from the very beginning, as I felt she deserved the right to know why I kept coming in late after beta draws and leaving early to pick up meds. My immediate supervisor has been extremely understanding and supportive of me throughout our whole journey--in fact, she was the one to pick me up from the hospital after our first loss when my husband was still out of town and my mom's flight hadn't yet arrived. On the other hand, our big boss lady really cares...but really doesn't have any sort of internal filter, so I admit that I was a little concerned about the chat.
I guess you could say that I started laying the foundation for our chat a couple of weeks ago. I stopped by her office on my way to the breakroom for lunch to mention something about the student organization I advise, and she commented on my weight loss and asked if it was difficult to keep up with my healthy eating (notice that this was a few weeks ago before the bump emerged). I've worked with this women for three years, and yet it wasn't until that point that I felt safe enough to tell her that I had experienced three losses, so the goal behind the healthy eating wasn't to lose weight, but rather to maintain a healthy pregnancy. I was impressed with her reaction (or should I say lack thereof). She nodded in understanding as she processed the information, and simply said that she was proud of me for taking care of myself. If I remember correctly, this conversation was shortly after our first ultrasound at 8 weeks, so I knew that our pregnancy was off to a good start...but I definitely wasn't ready to go public at the time.
Since then, the big boss lady made the comment to my supervisor about how she thought I had a baby bump, so I figured that was my opportunity. I needed to chat with her anyway (again, about the student organization I advise), so I started with the business stuff first. Then I brought up her comment to my supervisor...and confirmed her suspicion. She broke out into a genuine smile and gave me a big hug. I also honestly shared with her that I don't plan to make a big announcement at a staff meeting...nor do I want my colleagues creating a "guess the gender" chart on the dry-erase board in the breakroom. Perhaps I'm just being cautious or overly sensitive, but I guess I just feel like my pregnancy is a little too private...and too special. I don't want people to treat it the same way they do their office poll basketball tournament brackets...even if it is only for "bragging rights". So essentially, I asked her to treat me and my pregnancy as if it were "business as usual". Slowly but surely, I'll either tell my other colleagues...or they'll figure it out on their own.
She may be lacking in the areas of sensitivity at times, but I know that she genuinely cares about me. So I do think that I did the right thing in telling her. And in her role, she needs to know--especially as we look ahead to planning the Fall semester. But at the same time, it's just a little bit scary to know that our news is out there...with a woman who doesn't always know when to keep her mouth shut.
I was blessed yesterday to have the chance to hang out with our whole circle of friends from church to celebrate the birthday of my very-dear friend's husband (who, by the way, loved her gift). It was a little sad to be the "seventh wheel" since my husband is still on the East Coast, but it was still great to have the whole group together again. These are the three women who have known about and prayed for my pregnancy since Day 1, and I couldn't help but think to myself that it was really nice to have them know and get excited about my bump. I'm so blessed to have friends with whom I can be my real self.