Book Review: Brain Rules for Baby

My best friend from grad school was this cool guy who I believe is still the most articulate, thoughtful, well-read, critical, and accepting person who I know.  So when I saw a picture of him reading Brain Rules for Baby to his newborn son, I knew that I needed to buy the book.

In the book, author John Medina essentially answers the question "how do I get my kid into Harvard?".  By no means am I pushing Ella to go to Harvard, but I do want to help her to be curious, happy, and well-adjusted (besides, my tuition discount only works for our in-state schools...and her uncle went to Yale instead of Harvard).  Medina is a development molecular biologist, but yet he is able to tune down the science in a way that even I--with my educational background--can understand.  He uses a lot of personal stories as examples to help clarify and explain the research findings from a variety of tests and experiments--thus turning rather complicated topics into a fairly easy read. 

Medina offers these various "rules" or "pointers" for parents on how to raise a child who is smart (ie, praise the effort instead of saying "you're so smart!"), happy (ie, helping them to recognize and name their emotions), and moral (ie, kids respond better when the rules and expectations are explained).  I also really appreciate that he starts with the pregnancy (ie, no products claiming to boost a pre-born baby's iq have been proven to work, so don't buy them), and also addresses the significance of the parental relationship (ie, hostility between parents can effect an infants development; but making up in front of them after fights occur is vital to the child's emotional development as well).  As I read through the book, I found that I could give myself a pat on the back for some of the things that I had been doing all along (ie, breastfeeding), and cringed a few times at areas where I now see that I can make some changes (ie, no tv before the age of two...oops). 

And yet I love that in the conclusion, the author states:

"A family based on every suggestion in this book is fantasy.  The real-world experience of parenting ranges from waves of exhaustion to oceans of love and ripples of laughter."

I was left with a sense that I learned some new tricks for how I care for Ella--along with the science behind them--but that it would still be okay if I missed the mark on some of them.  We have definitely applied some of the ideas--like helping her to identify and verbalize her emotions, and it seems to be "working", in the sense that she's handling disappointment really well (like when Mommy didn't know that the swimming pool apparently closed on August 1st...whoops!). 

Would I be thrilled if she went to Harvard?  Absolutely!  (I don't know how I would pay for it, but that's beside the point).  But ultimately, all I have ever wanted is for her to be curious, happy, and well-adjusted--and I feel that Brain Rules for Baby addresses each of those points, and so much more. 

Today's blessing is that Ella has been talking about the "Army work" that my husband does.  He had Army Reserve drill this weekend, so she and I talked about why he was away from the house.  I know that he is proud of his service, and it's even more special to him now that his daughter can understand a bit of what he's doing.  On that note, he also just learned this weekend there is a possibility* that he might deploy in Fall 2013, so please be praying for us as we look ahead to what that might mean for our family.

*This is not the first time that there has been a "possibility" that he might deploy, and I have learned not to get too worked up about anything until he actually has orders.  Though I dread the thought of him being away, I know that this is important to him.  I trust that God will provide for us.

Losing Focus and Running Away

I don't know if it's due to getting ready for a busy time at work with the start of the new year, or simply enjoying my time playing with Ella, or watching too much Olympics, but I find that I'm losing focus just a bit on the whole "hurry up and get pregnant" plan that I was feeling earlier.  After that crazy long cycle in May-June, I think that last month's minimalist approach was exactly what I needed.  I'm glad I listened (for once) to that still small voice telling me to let go a bit.  Don't get me wrong--I desperately want to be pregnant again, but I feel like God has given me peace for where I am right now.  It feels...healthy, to want something and yet still be happy with what I have.

 Have I mentioned that I have started running?  I've always hated running, and I still can't say that I enjoy it.  But it's healthy, right?  And I want to be healthy--mainly int the hopes of getting pregnant again; but also so that I can be a good role model for Ella.  My RE wanted me to be doing an hour of cardio every day--he's going to have to be happy with a quick 15 minute run around our neighborhood.  I know that 15 minutes is hardly anything, but I admit that I'm quite proud of how quickly I have built up my endurance and can now push Ella around our "big block" in her stroller without too much effort. And since I'm trying to become a runner (or at least someone who "pretends" to be a runner"), I figured that I needed to have some new running shoes.  So these are my new favorite purchase:

I know they look silly, but I love them!  (And I love, love, love my little running buddy in the background).  Who knows--perhaps my RE is on to something with increasing my cardio.  My last cycle--when I really started to try to make an effort to run--was much shorter than the last (when I was simply trying to eat healthy and do my crunches and pushups).  It certainly can't hurt--if anything, maybe it's actually helping me to shift my focus a bit. 

Today's blessing was the chance to sleep in to 6:30!  I know that still seems so early, but my normal time to wake up is usually 5:00.  It felt good!  And Ella is apparently also sleeping in this morning as well, which gives me a chance for some much needed "me time", followed by a run...whenever she wakes up.

I'll Take It!

After last month's crazy-long 46-day cycle, I'm happy to report that this last cycle was 33 days.  That's the shortest (or "most normal") cycle I've had since it came back!  Sure, I wish it had resulted in a pregnancy, but I'll take it!

I will, however, admit that I ate like crap...which doesn't make any physiological sense as to why my cycle would be long when I was careful about my glucose intake and short when I had a month-long pity-party and ate every morsel of sweetness in site (keep in mind I have PCOS/insulin resistance).  I recognize that I need to find my "happy medium", where I make healthy decisions without going bonkers and getting too consumed with my hopes and dreams of being pregnant again.

I had considered checking in with my RE again to confirm that we stick to the protocol we had been on when we were waiting for Ella.  He started me on the Metformin and charged me with changing my diet and exercise routine in February 2009, when I was 40 pounds heavier than what I am now.  If my cycles had continued in the 40+ range again, I think I would have called him.  But a 33-day cycle gives me hope, so I think I'll just keep on doing what we've been doing for a little longer.

My husband and I also had a pretty long heart-to-heart about "carrying the emotional burden" involved with trying to get pregnant when confronted with in/fertility issues.  Physiologically, the woman clearly bears an unequal share of the work.  Conception is dependent on her body's ability to regulate its hormones and properly present an egg in an ideal environment.  She then needs her body to continue to carefully regulate those hormones as a new life begins, and then carry and nurture that new and growing life for nine more months--only to go through the agonizing pain of childbirth (followed by sleepless nights and being tethered to a breastfeeding baby).  Her partner, on the other hand, can make a quick donation, and his task is (physiologically) done.  But I need more from my husband.  I need him to be going to God in prayer.  I need him to be aware of my cycle.  I need him to lovingly remind me that I don't really need that cookie after dinner.  I need him to give Ella a bath so I can go for a quick run.  I feel that we're now on the same page, so all we can do is hope and pray and trust God.

Today's blessing is more yardwork.  My husband rented a tractor so that he can tackle some of the bigger projects that he's been hoping to do, and then we'll order another load of rocks.  It's so much work to make this space look nicer, but I really feel good about making it a nice space for Ella.

Ella-isms (Vol. 5)

As I promised, another update on our most recent "Ella-isms":

Sharing is Caring
We're trying to help Ella learn to share with us, her friends, her cousins--everyone.  I happy to report that she really seems to be getting the hang of it.  But it took a while--last week, she asked for cookies after dinner, so I happily obliged.  When I ask how many she wanted, she said "1, 2, 3!".  So I brought her three, and one for myself.  I put them all on the table, and asked her to share with me.  She happily gave me her water, with a big smile on her face.  Okay, so she did share something with me--but it wasn't quite what I wanted.  I asked again, and she put a cookie in my hand, and then quickly plopped it into her mouth.  I expressed my disappointment, but she went right on eating her cookies.  By the time she got to the last cookie, I put on my bed sad-face, but she already had it in her mouth.  As I pouted and shared my sadness, she paused, and then reached her little grubby finger into her mouth to pull out a tiny morsel, which I accepted.  We tried the experiment again last night, and she very proudly shared her cookies with both daddy and mommy.

Cuddle-Bug
When my husband spent three weeks away, I tried to make my time at home with Ella somehow more special.  We started reading our books outside after her bath, and then I suggested that we cuddle and watch the sunset.  Sounds nice, right?  Except, Ella couldn't get the hang of "cuddling".  She wiggled and squirmed and wanted to climb up and down the steps.  I put up with it the first couple of nights, and then instituted two ground rules:  1) no talking, and 2) head on the shoulder.  Now that she has these rules in mind, it's made all the difference in our bedtime routine.  For the last week or so, she has gone down without a sound!  She also likes to cuddle at various times throughout the day as well, and it's such a sweet, sweet thing to hear her request "cuddle?".

Bookworm
I think I've shared before that my 2012 New Years Resolution was to read to her every night.  Now, whenever I finish a book, Ella insists on reading it herself--complete with an "Ella read it!" exclamation.  I'll admit that she has the book upside down half of the time, and today she thought it would be a good idea to put her book in a bucket of water (I caught her before she did too much damage), but for the most part, she is very happily point out pictures correctly. 

"Can You Say ________?"
We're definitely in that vocabulary explosion period, and Ella repeats nearly everything I ask her to say--and surprises me every day with new words that she is developing on her own.  And she's also starting to put together words and concepts into sentences.  For example, after returning from the trip home to see my family, she and I were playing outside when an airplane flew by.  She excitedly looked up and exclaimed "Ella!  Airplane!  Sacramento!!".

Sympathy Points
We're trying to help Ella develop empathy, and it warms my heart that she is indeed a very caring and conscientious child.  When she hears a baby crying, she always points them out to me, saying "baby, crying, sad"--and is visibly concerned for the child.  Recently, her best friend Maddy got a pretty bad burn on her hand from touching the stove.  Whenever Maddy's name comes up, Ella reminds me "Maddy, burn, hand, hot, owie, no touch, hurt, cry, sad".  In fact, Maddy's mom said that she thinks Ella "is going to be that smart and pretty girl that all the other girls want to hate, but can't because she's so nice" (I think I'm supposed to take that as a compliment, but I really hope that no one hates my daughter).

I truly am having a blast being her mom.  I love her dearly, and look forward to every new little thing that she learns.  It's not easy keeping up with her (or keeping her entertained, for that matter), but it's totally worth it. 

Today's blessing is that Ella was such a trooper while I pushed her in the stroller for about two miles, picking up the trash along the road into our community.  We collected three giant garbage bags full of cans, bottles, condom wrappers, a pregnancy test box (not mine), and even a roller blade (just one).  She was such a good sport for keeping me company while my husband slept in.  I don't think that I picked up trash along our road since before I was pregnant with her, so I guess it was about time!

Long Time Gone

Where do I start?

I think this was the longest break that I've taken between posts since I started this blog.  It's a mixture of having a busy summer and being at a loss for words on where I am (fertility-speaking).  Let's start with the busy summer--because that's more fun.

Okay, so I posted about our trip to California to visit my family.  It's was the perfect way to break up the three-weeks with my husband, but Ella and I stayed busy with swim lessons as well.  My husband came back towards the end of June, and we jetted off to Montana the following weekend to surprise his parents for their 40th wedding anniversary.  It would have been a perfect weekend--if we hadn't been so scared about a huge 200,000+ acre wildfire that was raging about 20 miles away from their house and moving quickly in our direction.  The sky was grey on our drive in, with ash falling at the party.  It left us without power for most of the weekend, but my father-in-law is an amazing man who always makes sure that his family--including six grandkids--are well cared for.  Not only did he keep a generator going nearly the whole time we were there, but he also hooked up the trailer and brought the kids down to the river to swim (I should note that the Powder River, which runs along their ranch, only came up to Ella's waist at the very deepest point).  Ella reconnected with her Montana cousins, and got to meet her three Wisconsin cousins on the trip (she's the youngest of the six grandkids on my husband's side of the family).  As in the past, Ella was a wonderful traveler, though I'm sure the two hour drive-two hour flight-three hour drive (plus one hour delay on the return) wasn't really all that exciting for her. 

We got back on Monday, worked on Tuesday, celebrated the Fourth of July on Wednesday, worked on Thursday, and then headed out to Palm Springs on Friday to meet up with some friends and their 16-month little boy.  Again, Ella tolerated the six hour drive as well as I could have hoped, and napped for the last two hours after our lunch stop.  We enjoyed a hot but relaxing weekend, and probably spent more time in the pool than on dry land (we definitely got our money's worth out of our $2 swim lessons!).  Ella is a little fish--to the point that it's almost scary!  By the end of the weekend, she was pushing off the steps to me...but hasn't quite gotten the hang of "kick your feet and move your arms and blow bubbles simultaneously", which meant that she typically just started sinking to the bottom, eyes and mouth wide open in utter excitement.  She would just spit out the water and do it all over again without a care in the world--but we have a long ways to go before I'll feel as "comfortable" with her being around water as she apparently is.  It would have been a nearly perfect weekend--if the air conditioner in our car had not gone out as we were leaving Phoenix, while it was 105 outside.  We had a two-hour drive in the heat, and Ella kept requesting "No wind!" because she (and my husband) were not fans of having the windows down.

But we made it home last night, despite the heat, and enjoyed a slow morning before heading to Ella's first dentist appointment.  She was such a great little patient!  This was just the initial "sit in the chair and get used to the noises of the office and count your teeth" sort of appointment, but they said that everything looks great so far!

So I think that catches you up on our busy summer, which means I might as well turn to where I am--emotionally speaking--in regards to my in/fertility.  If I were to sum it all up in three words, it would be:  "I don't know".  I think I got carried away last month, so I'm trying the complete opposite approach this month.  I'm trying out a "I'm not going to think about it at all" style for this month.  No more temping.  No more checking for phantom signs.  No more calculating.  I'm literally trying to change the subject with the internal conversations that are going in my brain.  On occasion, my mantra has been "not gonna think about it".  Perhaps I'm acting like an ostrich by burying my head in the sand, but whatever I was doing last month by being super healthy and exercising regularly clearly wasn't working for me because I ended up with the longest cycle I've had since I stopped breastfeeding.  I recognize that I got caught up (again) in wanting so desperately to be pregnant--maybe the tardiness of my cycle really was stress related.  So this month has been a good experiment in self-discipline as I try to not (over-)analyze anything related to my fertility (or possible lack thereof).  Don't get me wrong--I'm not completely oblivious.  I remember that my cycle started when I was home in California, and that was around the middle of June...but I'm not going to pull up a calendar or count back the days. 

As for how I'm feeling about it all--I'm just trying to enjoy every moment that I can with Ella.  She is such a delight.  If this is the only chance I get to parent a 21-month old, then I want to live it up.  I love her dearly, and as much as I would love to get to do this all over again, I am so blessed to have the chance to be her Mommy.  I just wish my body would work correctly...

So there you have it--our busy summer and my update on where we stand for trying to add another one to the mix.  I can't promise I'll write daily, but I definitely do need to share some more "Ella-isms" soon. 

Today's blessing is the beautiful desert!  If you're unaware, we actually get monsoons here in Southern Arizona.  We came back from our trip to Palm Springs to bright green ocotillo in our backyard.  It's hard to imagine when it's 100+ outside, but it really is beautiful.

Wait, Hope, Pray

I'm happy to report that my very dear friend is doing well--or at least as well as one can when trying to balance the fear for her unborn child with caring for a toddler and maintaining a career.  The quantitative tests came back with small numbers, essentially indicating a "small exposure" or that her healthy body "fought it well".  Late last week, she had an infusion of medication that would cross the placenta and get to the baby to help him fight the infection as well.  More tests will need to be run when he is born.  The doctors are pleased with how things are looking on the ultrasound, and my very dear friend and her husband are pleased with the positive but conservative approach that the doctors are taking.  But for now, we all just wait and hope and pray. 

As for me, my waiting and hoping and praying is over--at least for my most recent cycle.  Day 1 came on day 1 of my vacation at home with Ella and my family.  I'm sad, but I'm not as devastated as I thought I might be--thanks to friends and family lifting me up in prayer.  If anything, I'm just relieved that it did finally show up.  I'm hoping this was just an anomaly, perhaps due to a more stressful time at work with the transition from the academic year to summer.  Or maybe I just got too caught up in my own selfish desires, and this is God's way of gently reminding me that He is in control.  Whatever the case may be, I'm back to where I was before:  I wait, I hope, I pray.

We had a lovely time at home with my family, though it ended up being hotter in Northern California than it was in Arizona!  We visited both sets of great-grandparents, went shopping, swam, played at the park, went to the zoo, and visited with friends at my dad's church.  Ella thoroughly enjoyed her time with my parents and her cousin and aunt and uncles.  I'm so glad that she was able to spend some quality time with them.  My parents will come again in September, and then the whole family will spend Christmas with us here in Arizona.  Here are a few shots from our trip:

Ella (20 months) and Brooke (16 months) at the park

Ella and Mommy at the park

Brooke and Ella at the Zoo

Ella (acting as a monkey) and Uncle Peter

My blessing yesterday was that Ella slept peacefully for the first leg of our flight.  All my family got together for lunch of Father's Day, right before we had to leave for the airport, so Ella was so wound up that she skipped her nap.  But I knew she was tired, and it was such a blessing that she fell asleep in my arms as we were boarding the plane.  She woke up as we were landing, and was a happy traveler the rest of the way home.

Bigger Concerns

I'm on Day 43, and got another negative test this morning. I don't understand what God is doing with my cycle, so all I can do is trust that He has an awesome plan for my life, and I just need to wait on Him. But I have a bigger concern--for my very dear friend and her 29-week baby, Henry.

My very dear friend is a Pediatrics Resident who was recently exposed to CMV. Her initial screening after the first exposure came back negative, but her recent test after a second exposure came back positive. If she did contract the virus during her pregnancy, then the antibodies that her body would be producing could be harmful to the life of her baby (or at least that is my understanding of her explanation). She is under the care of a wonderful doctor and will begin working with a specialist. She will undergo some more test--this time that are quantitative, rather than just negative/positive. As a pediatrician and a loss survivor, she is acutely aware of the fragility of life. Please pray for my very dear friend, and for the baby boy who is growing inside her. It situations like these that make me appreciate Ella that much more. My insecurities, wonder, and concerns about my cycle going crazy again seem so little in comparison to what she is going through. She is a strong and beautiful woman of faith, and I trust that she believes that God has a plan for her and this child. I just wish I could do more to bring her comfort and assurance at this time--she has been such a blessing to me through my journey to start--and build--our family. I appreciate your prayers for her--it's the least I can do.

 My blessing today was the chance to stop at the park with Ella on our way home from church. I love watching her confidence grow--she has mastered the tall slides, but is stil nervous on the swings. I'm glad that I could spend this quality time with her doing something that she enjoys.