I realize that I will probably get plenty more in the years to come, but I got my first "Go away, Mommy!" last night.
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend away with my family in Northern California, and overall, Ella did really well. She got a little naughty here and there, which we tried our best to address, but was mostly a pretty well-behaved little girl. But apparently transitioning back to a regular routine has been a bit harder for her, and she wasn't so cooperative on our drive home yesterday. After giving her a couple of chances to climb into her carseat herself, I finally had to force her into her chair. Ooh--she was pissed!!! I haven't heard her scream that hard in months! And then she told me to go away.
It stings to hear the child that you prayed for, hoped for, yearned for, cared for telling you to go away. I know that she was upset with me--I totally get it. But it still hurts.
It hurt to drive home with her screaming and crying in the backseat, so I pulled over and asked if she wanted me to hold her, to which she blubbered and nodded. We had a little cuddle and a little talk. I told her it made me sad that she told me to go away. I told her that I loved her, and that I would always love her. She calmed down, climbed into her carseat, and we headed home.
Last night, when she went to sleep, I picked her up and cuddled her again, and again told her just how much I love her and how I will always be there for her, even when she tells me to go away. We're bound to have disagreements in the years to come, but I hope that I can help her to believe that I will always love her, always want her, always cherish her--they way I knew and believed that my parents felt about me.
Despite my hurt feelings, my blessing yesterday was how awesome my husband was in understanding me and standing by me to convey our concern and disappointment to Ella. He made dinner for us, and met me at the door to have a little talk with her. There are plenty of times when he frustrates me; but he was a huge blessing last night.