Monday, November 15, 2010

Ella's Accomplishments

As I was formulating this post in my head, it dawned on me that I had written a post about around this time last year about all of my accomplishments while my husband was in Djibouti.  Then when I went back to find the link, I realized that it was exactly one year ago--November 15th--that I had reflected on all that I had done while he was out of the country.  And what a year it has been!  But back to Ella and her accomplishments...

She doesn't like her tummy-time all that much, so she quickly discovered (at about 2-1/2 weeks) that she could roll over from her tummy back to the comfort of her back.  The first time, I figured it was just an "accident", but she did it three times that first night.  I think that she often forgets that she can accomplish this maneuver, because she doesn't do it every time, but she has started to do it more and more regularly.  My husband finally got to witness it for the first time this morning as well.

Everyone has been really impressed with her neck strength and head stability since pretty much the day that she was born.  When she is up on my shoulder, she usually has her head up and looking around.  Our favorite pediatrician noticed this as well at one of her early appointments.  I'm still careful to support her, just in case she tilts her head back just a little too far, but it's great to see her looking around so much.

Speaking of looking around, she has really become so much more alert in the last couple of weeks.  She makes amazing eye contact--and usually smiles and coos when she does.  She's also starting to notice other objects--like the toys hanging from her activity mat or bouncer--which is great for me, because she's starting to entertain herself for longer periods at a time so that I can prepare a meal, eat, clean up around the house...or get in a dreaded pumping session.

She has become so much more audible.  I came into the living room on Saturday morning to see my husband on the ground singing our fight song to her, and she was just cooing along with him.  It was so sweet!  And her little giggles are just as sweet.  I heard the first one a week or so ago when I was putting her to sleep, and it totally warmed my heart.

Ah...sleep.  No, she's most definitely not at the "sleeping through the night" phase yet (and I admit that I think that we have a ways to go before we get there...we're at the five-hour mark for now).  But she is learning how to fall asleep in the cradle with only a little bit of help.  We stopped swaddling her at around three weeks--mainly because she likes to have her arms free.  Even when I swaddled her up as tight as I comfortably could, she still found a way to bust her arms out and stretch them above her head.  So now we just make sure that she's warm enough in foot-pajamas and cover her up with a blanket.  By placing my hand on her chest and singing to her or "sh-sh-sh-ing", she can usually (I admit it's not always) fall asleep within a few minutes (perhaps this is as much of an accomplishment for me as it is for her--it feels so good to know that I can usually find a way to comfort her and help her fall peacefully to sleep).

Now for a not-so-fun trick...I previously shared that she has a knack for peeing or pooping in that half-second between when I take the old diaper off and put the new diaper on.  We have three changing pad covers, and it's not uncommon for us to go through all three in one week.  Perhaps I'm a bad mother, but I've gotten to the point that if it's not too wet or too dirty, that I'll just turn the cover inside-out and make use of the clean(er) side in case it happens again (I know...I'm so bad!).  But her talent isn't restricted to the changing pad.  Oh no!  She is also really great about having a blow-out diaper in the swing, car seat, or bouncer immediately after I've reassembled them after getting them out of the laundry for yet another blow-out.  I think it must be something about that semi-reclined position that just opens up her bowels. 

I know that there will be so many more little and big accomplishments in the days, weeks, months, and years to come.  Good and bad, it's so amazing to see her grow and develop.  There is so much more to which I'm looking forward!

Today's blessing is a quiet day at home with her.  I'll be heading into town Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for various commitments, so it will be nice to just hang out around the house with her today.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Don't Tell

Don't tell my husband that I played around with his fancy new camera today without his permission...







Today's blessing is a happy and photogenic baby...and a big memory card.  I really had fun with her...and I don't think that my husband will mind too much.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Veteran's Day

Last year, I shared my appreciation for all veterans--but especially my husband.  At the time, he was halfway around the world in Djibouti for work.  I'm so glad that he's here with me and Ella this time around.

I realize that unlike Mother's Day or Father's Day or Administrative Assistant's Day, you don't necessarily give any gifts to veterans on a day like today.  The typical mode of operation is simply to thank them and recognize their selfless contribution to our country.  But I can't help but think that I was able to give him the gift that he always wanted--he now has Ella.  I look forward to explaining to her that her daddy is a brave and honorable officer in the US Army.

Today's blessing was that my big, strong veteran showed his soft side and stayed home with Ella so that I could go into town and have lunch with my friend.  It was the first time that I had truly been completely alone (beyond going to the bathroom) since that afternoon in the hospital.  Sure, I missed each of them in their own special way, but I know that it was healthy to take some time for just myself.  Aside from a diaper blowout, they did just fine without me.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Wardrobe Changes

It seems as though both Ella and I are in need of some wardrobe changes.  Hers need to be a bit bigger...mine need to be a bit smaller.

We didn't get many "newborn" outfits for her, but the few that we did get seem to be too small for her these days.  She exceeded the 9 pound mark at her appointment last week, so she is definitely too big for the 5-8 pound items.  But sometimes it seems that even the 8-12 pound pieces are too small for her as well--at least in the length, though not quite in girth.  My husband and I are both fairly tall, and she also seems to have our length.  Poor thing--she's going to be running into all sorts of wardrobe issues for the rest of her life if she has my long torso (though I finally appreciated my extra-long torso when I was pregnant with her).  Sidenote on baby clothes...I find it so funny that some "0-3 month" items seem so tiny, and others seem so huge!  Depending on the brand, she may have already outgrown some 0-3...and may be in others for months to come.

As for me, it's about time for me to put away the maternity clothes.  To be honest, I should have put them away weeks ago.  Since I'm on maternity leave until the new semester starts in January (have I mentioned how much I'm dreading going back?), I admit that I've been living in yoga pants and old t-shirts when I'm at home.  So I really only have to get dressed in "real clothes" for church and if I have to run into town for any errands.  And as I previously explained, my pre-pregnancy wardrobe ranges in sizes from 4-12...4 being at my healthiest and fittest as a result of implementing the recommendations that our RE laid out for us, and 12 being at my un-healthiest and un-fittest after our second loss.  But since I'm so reluctant to get rid of any clothes, I've got a spectrum of sizes from which to choose.  So yes, it's time to put away the elastic waistbands and extra-long shirts (though I might keep some of the maternity tank-tops in my regular rotation...like I said, my extra-long torso is hard to cover).  I'll box them up today, and pray that I have the chance to wear them again someday.

Today's blessing is fall weather.  Yes, I realize that we're almost half-way through November, but Fall comes a little later when you live in the desert (and it could easily be 90 degrees again next week).  It's nice to be able to wear sweatshirts and cuddle up with my husband--and now Ella--under cozy blankets. 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Familiar Pain

Yesterday afternoon, I was saddened to see a facebook post from my former hair-dresser and the wife of our music director for my church back home that they had lost their baby.  It was a "surprise" type of pregnancy--they have three children ages 16, 14, and 9, and she found out she was pregnant just days before her 40th birthday--but I doubt it makes it any easier to cope with the loss.  I read the news with Ella snuggled up against me in her carrier, all warm and cozy and precious, and yet my heart still broke as the familiar pain of loss crept in.

I realize that my hormones are still a little on the whacky side, so I'm "allowed" to get extra emotional, but I was a little shocked at how sad I was--for them, for my own losses, and for so many others who have experienced loss.  I guess part of my reaction is because this was my first exposure to loss since the birth of Ella.  I am just so overwhelmed at God's goodness, and it makes the fragility of life so much more visible...I guess.

As she said in her post, "things happen for a reason and God is in control".  I believe this whole-heartedly, but believing it isn't necessarily a quick-fix.  There is no anaesthesia that can instantly take away the pain.  God can--and does--comfort and heal, but the pain and confusion of loss can linger.  Please pray for Starr and Jeff and their family as they are saddened by the loss of this baby.  Even though this baby was a bit of a surprise, it was still dearly loved.

I was blessed by the visit of my extremely-caring friend who brought over a delicious enchilada casserole for us.  It was full of cheesy goodness, and I lived on leftovers all weekend while my husband was out of town for Army Reserve drill.  I have one more serving that I'll eat up for lunch today, but it was such a blessing to not have to cook when it was just me and Ella.  

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Figuring It Out As We Go

As I type this (in between feedings, playtime, naps, and diaper changes), I'm starting to realize that it's turning into a long post.  But that's just how it's been with breastfeeding and pumping--I feel like we're figuring it out as we go...and it's not always a quick solution.

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom in regards to my plea for support, guidance, and reassurance when it comes to pumping.  I've changed some things around and have seen some improvements.  I share these changes in case they can be helpful to anyone else. 

As per some of your suggestions, I got some new shields for the pump (at least that's what I think that they are called).   Some suggested that the size might not be right, and if anything, I think that I need a smaller size (I've never been large anywhere in this area).  I must be unique--because the baby supply store didn't have them in small, though they did come in XXL (no offense if you fit an XXL...it just seemed that if they had one extreme, they would also carry the other).  So instead, I went with the "softfit", and have definitely felt the difference!  I found it interesting (and disappointing) that the softfit only comes in medium...strange.  I also ordered the small regular shields online, but I admit that I have felt comfortable (enough) with the softfit, so I haven't even tried the smalls yet.

Also, based on multiple comments about only pumping in the morning, I've essentially given myself permission to only pump when it's convenient.  I agree that my supply is greatest in the morning, so I try to get a session in each morning after Ella has had her fill.  Throughout the rest of the day, I'll pump here and there as time allows.  But I guess I don't feel as "tied" to my pump anymore.  In fact, I still think that it tells me to "wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up", but sometime it may be telling me "let's go, let's go, let's go"--almost as if it's now encouraging me that yes, we can do this!  I'm still averaging about 1.5 ounces per pumping session--sometimes more, sometimes less.  I've even gotten really good at multi-tasking while I pump (I pulled it into the bathroom the other day and did my make-up while hooked up...it may not have been a pretty sight, but I hit two birds with one stone).

Although we plan to do so soon, we still haven't introduced Ella to a bottle yet...which means that my breastmilk is slowly but surely taking over the freezer.  I recently learned a little trick to maximize our freezer space (perhaps others already do this, but it was new to me).  We are using the little storage bags, and I initially just lined them up vertically.  But this made for a wide base and a nearly empty top, so I couldn't fit as many pouches in the storage container.  Then I read that you can lie the bags flat to freeze them--thus spreading the milk out evenly through the bag.  Once frozen, I then line them up vertically, but they take up much less space without the wide base.

As for breastfeeding, I'm very proud of myself for figuring out a bit of a mystery when it came to Ella and her feeding.  Around two to three weeks of age, I noticed that she wasn't stooling a lot.  The pediatrician said it was totally fine, and that he's seen babies go up to 19 days without stooling.  I figured that her little body must just be using up every little ounce of nutrients she was getting in order to grow (and she was growing normally, according to the pediatrician).  This is what led me to start pumping in the first place--thinking that perhaps I didn't have enough supply for her.  As my supply increased, so did her stools.  But then I noticed that her stools were not quite the "seedy mustard-yellow" that they should be.  Rather, her stools were on the greenish side, and they were watery and foamy (I know, because Ella has developed a new fondness of peeing and pooping in that half-second between when I take the old diaper off and put the new diaper on).  So I did a quick search for "watery, foamy diapers" and found this information which led me to believe that it was perhaps a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance.  All along, I had been nursing on 15-20 minutes on each side because it seemed like the thing to do--according to the nurses, my mom, On Becoming Babywise, etc.--and Ella seemed to be growing just fine.  But the initial absence of stools, and then the foamy consistency, had me rethinking everything.  So I began to ignore the clock, and started to let Ella completely drain the breast to ensure that she gets adequate hindmilk.  Sure enough--it did the trick, and her stools seem to be back to normal (for the most part, at least).

So in the midst of my research, I put in a call to the Lactation Consultant at my hospital to confirm my suspicion, and unfortunately, had a less-than-ideal conversation with her.  It wasn't "bad", per se, but when I mentioned Babywise, she completely shut down and nearly attacked me.  I recognize and appreciate her expertise, but I think I'm going to take her feedback with a grain of salt (in the exact same way that I take the input in Babywise and from friends and family). 

The conversation just left me with a bad feeling, and when I mentioned this to my mom, she offered the assistance of a woman in their church who is also a lactation consultant, so I sent her an email...and felt so much better with her response!  She also isn't necessarily a fan of Babywise, but rather feeling "attacked", I felt supported and encouraged in how she recommended some suggestions that I should try.  In fact, she started her email with "You are so smart!  I love a mom who researches!".  I felt like I was familiar with most of what she shared, but it's always nice to have the reassurance that I'm doing things correctly and to have a thoughtful suggestion on how I can improve the breastfeeding (and pumping) experience for both myself and Ella.  She is a wonderful resource--and she said that I can continue to contact her by email, phone, text--whatever works best for me.  In fact, she is still accumulating hours for her accreditation, and when I mentioned that I have friends who have newborns or are expecting soon, she was more than happy for me to pass on her name and contact information to anyone else who might need her as well.  So if you have any questions or concerns about all that is involved with breastfeeding, please let me know your email address, and I'll send her contact information on to you.

Yesterday's blessing was a really nice conversation with my brother.  Unfortunately, he's going through a bit of a rough spot--mainly due to a recent break-up--but he really opened up to me, and it was nice to be able to be a good, supportive big sister for him.  He's coming out with my parents for Thanksgiving, so it will be wonderful to see him.  And something tells me that he's going to be such a fun uncle!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

$4.86

If you've been following my story, you may remember that I keep an eye out for pennies and any other change that I may find.  As I previously shared, I try not to get too caught up in them being "signs"--like an "omen"--and I don't quite believe that they bring me "luck", but they do brighten up my day.  I guess I think of them as little reminders from God that He's looking out for us.

I found my first penny on the morning that I took the pregnancy test that eventually led to Ella.  That was back in January.  Throughout my pregnancy, I continued to find pennies and other coins, and each one felt like a little reminder from God that everything was going to be okay.  He gave Noah a rainbow...I feel like I got pennies.  And not just pennies, but nickels, dimes, and quarters as well--in fact, $4.86 worth through the 40 weeks of my pregnancy.  That breaks down to:
  • 61 pennies
  • 6 nickels
  • 22 dimes
  • 7 quarters
I totally realize that $4.86 won't even buy me a small package of store brand diapers, but it's not really about the money.  It's about trusting God's plan for my life, and watching for how He is looking out for me, one little penny at a time.

I continue to watch for pennies, and they continue to show up, and God continues to bless us.  Perhaps I'll get Ella a piggy bank when she gets old enough to appreciate not only the value of money, but also the significance of these particular coins.  For now, they are in a little trinket box which was a gift from my Grandma--the same woman who inspired my mom and me to watch for coins in the first place.  (I should also mention that we have opened a real savings account for Ella...but something tells me that a bank teller isn't going to share the same warm feelings about my coins if I bring them all in).

Yesterday's blessing was learning that my dad walked away from a car accident (it happened a 1/2 block away from our house, so he literally walked home).  He was rear-ended as he was turning onto our street, and while the back end of his car is completely smashed in, he was unharmed.  He says that he's a little bit sore--but he doesn't know if that is from playing basketball that morning prior to the accident or if it was from the impact.  It was an older car with lots of miles, but he took really good care of it, and probably won't get all that much for it, so he's a bit worried about replacing it.  Please keep him in your prayers as he deals with the hassle of working through the insurance company and figuring out what to do.  But either way, we are so blessed that God kept him safe!