I've shared previously how amazing my grandma is. She's the type of grandma who would send me the most amazing chocolate-chip cookies while I was in college...and would send along a check for $15 to get the milk to go with said cookies. She also sends advent calendars each holiday season to my nieces and nephews on my husband's side of the family. I shared just last week about how she sends us each seven birthday gifts so that we can open one for each day of the week leading up to our special day. Another really cool thing that she does is pick up coins that she finds along the side of the street on her daily walks, and then divides her loot between her five grandchildren as part of our Christmas gifts. It never amounted to more than $5 per kid, but it was still such a sweet gesture.
In preparing for her own future role as "grandma", my mom has started picking up coins off the street as well. A few days, she called me excitedly to share that she has been finding a lot of pennies on the ground lately. She works in Downtown Sacramento with parking meters galore, so it's understandably a prime location for her to find loose change; but in my mom's "magical thinking" sort of way, she blissfully thinks that the universe is bringing the pennies to her, giving her hope that this pregnancy will continue to develop and thrive. So she is pretty pleased with the stash that she has saved up, and I earnestly pray that she has the chance to wrap it up as a Christmas gift to my child, the same way that my grandma does.
I try not to get too caught up in "signs" or "serendipity", but I have also found two pennies since finding out that I'm pregnant again. The first was on the morning that I took the test, and the second was the day after I had the penny conversation with my mom. I'm still not giving them too much credit as a "sign"...but rather than just throwing them in my purse, I brought them home and put them in a little box...given to me by none other than my grandma.
My mom and grandma are so different, and yet each so amazing. I'm blessed to have them both as role models of how to be a good wife and mother. I pray that I am able to bless both of them with this child in their respective roles as "grandma" and "great-grandma".
What a neat tradition!
ReplyDeleteI have read your blog over the course of the last few weeks. To be honest I was having the worst time praying anymore, after my own loss I just couldn't seem to forgive him and I know that sounds just awful, but I just didn't know how to. However after reading everything you have been through and seeing how stong your faith still is, I laid in my bed last night crying and praying for you and this child you carry and I just wanted to thank you, and let you know you will continue to be in my prayers.
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Ahh, Laura. I do work in Sacramento, but the pennies have been in stranger places; outside a food mart, under the bunk at Westminster Woods (found when I decided to place my shoes away rather than just kick them off), and lastly, in the dirt, in the leaves on the trail between the cabins and the bathroom, at night!. I don't know how those little round disks catch my attention, but they do. . . Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteT--My heart goes out to you. I'm glad that you felt safe here to share your struggles with loss and your doubts with prayer. Just this morning in church, our pastor was preaching on "Ask, Seek, Knock", and I wanted to ask "but what about when our asking, seeking, and knocking isn't answered?". I still struggle with doubt on a daily basis, and it takes every bit of energy for me to rely on God and trust His plan, which I recognize may or may not include a baby. Thank you for your prayers. It's the prayers of strangers like you who get me through. I'll be praying for you as well. If there is anything specific that I can pray for, please contact me at the email listed under the "reaching out" section to the right. God bless!
ReplyDeleteI'm a believer in signs! ;)
ReplyDeleteI was moved to tears listening to our pastor talk yesterday during service. The theme was 'Hope without Bitterness' and it was all about when things don't go according to plan and when it seems like God is not giving you what you asked for. It was like God was speaking to me so loud and clear, if I was hit in the head with a tennis racket it would have been as clear as that. I know that God doesn't fret or freak out when things don't turn out because He ALREADY KNOWS how everything is going to work out. I'm so glad that God is using you to help others out there that are struggling with this!
I just wanted to let you know I loved this post, beautiful.
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