Last week I received a text from my very-dear friend proclaiming that she's "2-1/2 weeks behind" us. I'm beyond excited for her and her amazing husband, and I'm thrilled to have a friend with whom to share this pregnancy journey. I truly believe that God brought this couple into our lives for a reason, and this woman is such a source of encouragement for me.
When they started trying, I previously shared that I "just pray that I'm able to share this journey with her--whether or not I am pregnant". The Lord has blessed me with a pregnancy, which makes it so much easier to share her joy. But at the same time, part of me can't help but think that if I lose this child, watching her grow and glow will also make it that much harder.
I can't help but feel that she and I are in totally different places...even though we're just a few weeks apart. At our Super Bowl party yesterday, babies were a main topic of discussion (it was our circle of friends from church). Whereas my friend has already rented a book of baby names, calculated a baby budget, and picked out her favorite crib, I'm just praying that my baby has a strong heartbeat and that the cells have been dividing properly. When our wonderfully-caring friend (who happens to be a nurse) asked about birthing plans and epidurals, the very-dear friend had it all figured out in her head. All I could say was that I'm focusing on getting through the ultrasound on the 16th first.
In a way, I guess I'm a bit jealous of my very-dear friend's confidence. I hate to say it, but after three losses, I don't feel like I can jump into this pregnancy with the same sort of gusto as my very-dear friend. I can't help but be much more cautious in my approach. I hope and pray that this baby will continue to grow and develop, but I'm painfully aware that this isn't always the case.
Perhaps the previous three losses were God's way of saying "not yet" instead of a flat-out "no". Perhaps He wanted for us to be able to share the joys of pregnancy and raising children with other Christian couples so that we could all support and challenge each other through the journey. Though we really like our church, it has only been in the last year or so that we have really found a community of believers who are at similar places in their lives. I really feel that God blessed us with this circle of friends, and I pray that He bless us with these babies (and future children for those who are also trying).
Speaking of this circle of friends, yesterday's blessing was a fun Super Bowl party. It was full of good friends, football, food, fellowship, and fun. I admit that I set off the smoke detector with the bacon-wrapped mini-hot dogs, but I think that I made up for it with the blueberry cheesecake.
One of my closest friends found out she was pregnant the day after me. It took them almost two years to get to that point. But sadly I struggled a lot. Her challange was getting pregnant while mine was staying that way. As she has already painted her nursery and set up her registry, I am just considering these things. I love her and am so happy to have a close Christian couple to experience this with, but it's definitely not always easy. I completely understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteOnly a week to go!!!
Dear Laura,
ReplyDeleteYou are just guarding your heart :) Hang in there! Can't wait to hear about that strong beating heart next week! Love you! Katie
How fun to share the pregnancy experience with a friend. 7 more days!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is so strange the way we are so guarded. People keep asking me if we have the nursery ready. I'm going to be in the 3rd trimester in less than 2 weeks, but no, we don't have the nursery ready. We haven't registered. We don't know which pediatrician we will use and we definetly don't have a name! Just cleaning out the closet in the future nursery freaked us out!
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you have a friend to do be with you on your journey - Perhaps her excitement will help you!
How are you doing? How are you feeling? I'm praying for you for a great appt on the 16th!
ReplyDeleteNobody will understand you or your anxiety*well some of us can*...and I feel as though this women doesn't know how you feel...and with all of my friends who don't know what I am going through I am happy for them, but at the same time...conflicted. It is not fair that we have had to struggle, and keep struggling to stay sane during our pregnancies...when they can just plan and plan away. I feel as though this was me at one time, and it is not fair but I wont ever be that person. I wont ever be able to just go "shopping" and pick out a crib until I know for certain this is going to happen.
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for being such a good friend....I would have snapped...and if you do...then your friends should understand.
Good luck on the 16th lady!! I am praying for you!
Ladies, thank you for your words of encouragement and understanding! I should point out that this woman truly is a very-dear friend. I am so so so appreciative that she a) told me when they started trying, b) holds me and my pregnancy up in prayer, and c) shared with me right away that she was pregnant (no lies, no waiting, just totally open and honest). She is totally 100% entitled to her excitement and her plans. I don't resent her or her confidence at all. It just amazes me how differently we experience this beginning of things. Thank you for the continued prayers!
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