Last week I received a text from my very-dear friend proclaiming that she's "2-1/2 weeks behind" us. I'm beyond excited for her and her amazing husband, and I'm thrilled to have a friend with whom to share this pregnancy journey. I truly believe that God brought this couple into our lives for a reason, and this woman is such a source of encouragement for me.
When they started trying, I previously shared that I "just pray that I'm able to share this journey with her--whether or not I am pregnant". The Lord has blessed me with a pregnancy, which makes it so much easier to share her joy. But at the same time, part of me can't help but think that if I lose this child, watching her grow and glow will also make it that much harder.
I can't help but feel that she and I are in totally different places...even though we're just a few weeks apart. At our Super Bowl party yesterday, babies were a main topic of discussion (it was our circle of friends from church). Whereas my friend has already rented a book of baby names, calculated a baby budget, and picked out her favorite crib, I'm just praying that my baby has a strong heartbeat and that the cells have been dividing properly. When our wonderfully-caring friend (who happens to be a nurse) asked about birthing plans and epidurals, the very-dear friend had it all figured out in her head. All I could say was that I'm focusing on getting through the ultrasound on the 16th first.
In a way, I guess I'm a bit jealous of my very-dear friend's confidence. I hate to say it, but after three losses, I don't feel like I can jump into this pregnancy with the same sort of gusto as my very-dear friend. I can't help but be much more cautious in my approach. I hope and pray that this baby will continue to grow and develop, but I'm painfully aware that this isn't always the case.
Perhaps the previous three losses were God's way of saying "not yet" instead of a flat-out "no". Perhaps He wanted for us to be able to share the joys of pregnancy and raising children with other Christian couples so that we could all support and challenge each other through the journey. Though we really like our church, it has only been in the last year or so that we have really found a community of believers who are at similar places in their lives. I really feel that God blessed us with this circle of friends, and I pray that He bless us with these babies (and future children for those who are also trying).
Speaking of this circle of friends, yesterday's blessing was a fun Super Bowl party. It was full of good friends, football, food, fellowship, and fun. I admit that I set off the smoke detector with the bacon-wrapped mini-hot dogs, but I think that I made up for it with the blueberry cheesecake.