We Took The Plunge!

We did it!  We took the plunge and bought a dozen cloth diapers!

We decided to go with BumGenius (4.0), and we're very pleased with them so far.  My mom had gotten us two of the earlier versions when Ella was born, and although it took us four months to finally decide to invest in more, I'm very glad that we did.  And Ella seems perfectly happy in them--which is what really matters.  She's even sleeping wonderfully in them (more on that later).

For now, we're using them at home at night and on the weekends, but it sounds like daycare will entertain the idea of using them there during the day as well.  We're still working out some of the details, but it looks like it might happen.  I don't want to push the topic too much if the caregivers don't feel comfortable with them, but it would be great if they did embrace them like we have.

Today's blessing was getting through a long and busy day of work.  We had a huge event that I was in charge of coordinating, and everything went really well (aside from just a handful of little glitches that I think I can fix).  I'm very blessed to work with some awesome colleagues and students who helped everything go so smoothly.

I Said "Please"!

Just a quick funny story tonight...

I had a long day, so I was thrilled when my husband offered to get Ella undressed and hand her to me in the shower so that I could have a few moments to myself.  But I apparently was taking just a little too long, because I was washing my face when he showed up with a naked baby in his arms.  From under the water, I heard him say "Okay Baby Girl...please don't pee on Daddy"...followed almost immediately with "Oh Baby Girl!  I said 'Please'"!

Yep!  Ella peed on her daddy.  And my husband is totally and completely squeamish about anything and everything related to bodily fluids.  Needless to say, he then opted to take a shower after us.  I admit that after the long day I had, I definitely needed that little laugh. 

I was blessed yesterday to visit with a former colleague and friend before she moves to Portland next week.  This is the friend who spent a year in Scotland, and we had intended to visit her...but then I got pregnant.  She has been such a great friend and sounding board--both professionally and personally--and I'm really going to miss her.  But I'm very excited for her and her husband as they embark on this new adventure.

Hearts

I brought home my first arts and crafts project from Ella today as a Valentine's Day gift.  At daycare, they made each mom a little flower with a heart in the center that had their baby's footprints in it.  They gave it to me when I went at lunch to feed her, and as I drove away, it occurred to me that this is just the first of many arts and crafts projects to come.  I need to find a good keepsake box for all of them.

I got my construction paper heart this year, but it was around this time last year that I was anxiously awaiting my first ultrasound and praying that I would see a real heart.  My appointment with the RE was scheduled for February 16th, and I may have even told my husband that all I wanted for Valentine's Day was to see a heartbeat.  God answered my prayers, and I'll never forget the relief that came when I saw that little flicker of Ella's beating heart.

We all know that the heart has come to symbolize "love", but those of us who have survived losses recognize that the heart truly symbolizes "life".  My heart broke time and time and time again with each loss, but God helped me to find the strength to piece it back together.  And in doing so, I think that my own capacity to love and appreciate life grew.  God is so good in giving me the desires of my heart.  Even now, I am overwhelmed with emotion when I feel Ella's little heart beating or when I put my ear to her chest and listen to the tiny "thump-thump; thump-thump". 

As for my blessing, it would be too cliche to say that my husband is my Valentine's Day blessing.  Rather, a very sweet friend surprised me at work this afternoon to bring me a little bag of candy.  It was very thoughtful, totally unexpected, and was really the highlight of my busy afternoon.

A New Cousin!

I'm so very excited to share that my brother and sister-in-law welcomed their own baby girl into the world this morning!  After her previous late-term loss, my sister-in-law was scheduled to be induced at 6:30 this morning, just one day shy of 39 weeks.  But the baby had other plans, and labor started at 3:30 am.  Brooke Elliott arrived at 9:03, and both mommy and baby (and daddy) are doing well.  We're all so excited that Ella now has a new cousin!

What a blessing that God answered my prayers for a "boring, uneventful, uncomplicated" labor and delivery for my sister-in-law.  I absolutely adore my sister-in-law, and think I would be good friends with her even if she weren't married to my brother, but even she will tell you that she's a worrier.  God really provided in blessing her with a pretty "easy" experience (as easy as labor and delivery can be, of course). 

All The Credit Goes To Ella

I fit into my size 4 pants again this morning!  This was the pair that I bought right before I got pregnant...or maybe right after I found out I was pregnant and figured I wanted to look good if this pregnancy ended up like the others.  Sure, perhaps they were a little on the snugger side when I first put them on, but they looked good by the time I walked out the door.

But I can't take any of the credit for losing my pregnancy weight.  Really, all of the credit goes to Ella.  Breastfeeding is by far the most enjoyable "workout" that I've ever experienced. 

To be honest, I've still got a bit of a pooch in the belly.  And if I wear a tighter shirt, I admit that I've got a little "muffin top" that's visible.  But overall, I'm pretty happy with how I look and feel these days.  And the funny thing is--I've never actually been a size 4.  You see, I wore a back-brace for Scoliosis for three years during Junior High and my Freshman year of High School (talk about some formative years!), so it seems like I went from shopping in the Girls section to a Junior size 9 over night.  I missed out on a lot of opportunities to walk by and check myself out in a mirror and think "I look good!". 

But it's not just the looking good--it's the feeling good as well.  Sure, we're now on our second cold of the season (this one is not nearly as bad as the first), and I'm not getting my full eight hours of beauty sleep each night, but I'm absolutely loving being a mom.  I may not always know the perfect thing to do, but it does feel so right.

Today's blessing was the chance to eat lunch with my colleagues.  I've been going over to feed Ella pretty much every day, but I volunteered to help out a colleague today, which meant I had a shortened lunch.  So I ate in the breakroom--like I had for the last three years before Ella entered my life.  I missed my usual lunch visit with her, but I think that it's also valuable to spend time with my colleagues.

So Fortunate

I've been going over to the daycare center to feed Ella during my lunch break every chance I get.  The other day, a new mom came in with her 8-week old baby to check out the facility.  The main care provider in the infant room went through the standard procedures, which includes bringing in enough clean and sterile bottles for the day (they recommend five).  For babies who take formula, the care providers will prepare the bottles, but they don't clean or sterilize the bottles.  The new mom appeared visibly distressed when she heard that she would need five bottles.  She whipped out her cell phone and called someone and asked them if they could get $10-$20 for her so that she could buy more bottles, explaining that she only had two bottles at home.

Two bottles.  Two bottles for a formula-fed baby.  Even with nursing Ella, I've got to have more than a dozen bottles between the feeding bottles and the pumping bottles.  My husband even suggested that we buy more so that we wouldn't have to sterilize them every night (which I turned down--if we're going to be sterilizing the pump parts, we might as well sterilize the bottles and nipples).

I wanted to offer to run out to my car and get the $20 bill that's hidden away for emergencies, but I didn't think that it was my place.  I had the same urge when I saw her and her baby waiting at the bus stop down the road when I was driving back to work.  My heart goes out to her, and I'm reminded that I am so incredibly fortunate to have the means to provide for Ella.  She might not have every single gadget available to a newborn, but we definitely have more than enough.

(The next day, the new mom apparently showed up with her two bottles, claiming that no one told her that she needed more.  She hasn't come back since.)

Today's blessing was that Ella slept well again last night.  She woke up around 3:00 to eat, but then right back to sleep.  Thank you so much for your kind words and wisdom about sleep regression.  Let's hope that she can move on now.

What Happened?

For the last two weeks or so, I've been wondering what happened to my sweet baby girl who woke up once in the middle of the night to feed and went right back to peaceful sleep.  I don't know why, but Ella has not been sleeping well lately. 

There was one night where we put her down at 8:30ish, and she woke up at 10:00 pm, midnight, 2:00 am, and 4:00 am.  She would eat when I offered her the breast, but she would fall asleep halfway through...but then wake up and fuss when I put her back down.  I needed my sleep, so I started to just bring her into bed with us to nurse so that I could snooze a bit too, but I hated that I was reinforcing bad habits and putting her at risk to be in our bed with us (I still have nightmares from time to time about losing her in the blankets).  I felt like I was handling the interrupted sleep decently, but my husband started to get rather snappy as the nights wore on.

Ella has been in the cradle in our room, but my (tired) husband put his foot down and said that she needed to go to her crib.  I shouldn't say it like that--it wasn't in a forceful way; rather, he's just very logical and matter-of-fact in his approach and thinks it's time.  He also thinks it's time to let her fuss, and the pediatrician agrees that there is value in helping a baby learn to self-soothe (assuming that all of her other needs are met).  And they're probably right.  I've noticed that there is a distinct difference between Ella's "fuss" and her "cry".  It breaks my heart, but I can tolerate the little fussing and whimpering...but I draw the line and intervene when it escalates to a true cry.

I've been racking my brain to see if there is anything else that could be bothering her.  Perhaps it's a growth spurt, or maybe she's teething.  She was in a cloth diaper the first three nights, so I considered that maybe she didn't like that.  And then I realized that I've been sneaking chocolates from the candy tray at work.  I was so good at abstaining when I was trying to get pregnant and then was pregnant, but I've let myself indulge in the occasional piece from time to time (okay, maybe it's more frequent than I'd like to admit).  But I stayed away yesterday, and what do you know--Ella was back to her one feeding!  I can't pin all the blame on chocolate just quite after only one night, but I resisted the urge to eat any today as well to further put my theory to test.  I sure enjoy my sweets, but I think I value sleep a little more--not only for me, but for Ella as well.

It was wonderful to wake up once last night.  If anything, I guess I can say that the relapse into waking every couple of hours made me appreciate that singular feeding so much more.  I think that the middle-of-the-night feeding is also helping to keep my supply up, which is important to me, so I'm genuinely trying to embrace it in that regard.  We'll eventually need her to sleep all the way through the night, but what we have is so much better than the alternative.  And besides--I like my time with her. 

Today's blessing is recognizing that my husband and I make a pretty good team.  Our pipes froze overnight, but yet we somehow got them working and both made it out the door on time (without forgetting anything).  And with frozen pipes and gas outages nearby, I'm reminded of just how blessed I am to have a home and utilities.