Inspired

First, I want to thank you for the kind comments and understanding in my last post.  I appreciate your support more than I can express.  I'm also happy to share that my little talk with Ella about the power of words seemed to have worked because she hasn't made any more similar comments about losing her baby sister, and she has replaced her feisty "I no love you's" with heartfelt and sincere "I love you's".

And I'm also happy to report that I'm starting to feel this little Baby Girl wiggle more and more.  I made myself slow down a bit this week due to a foot injury, and my reward has been some sweet wiggles and somersaults each evening while I ice my foot.

But let me back up.  Around this time last year, I was realizing that I had to do something to stay active since I was no longer breastfeeding.  I nursed Ella for 15 months, and I joke that it was the most gratifying diet and exercise plan ever--simply because I could eat whatever I wanted, I didn't have to work out (other than lifting and carrying and caring for a growing baby), and she simply sucked every last calorie right out of me!  But once I stopped, I knew I had to do something to stay healthy and keep my cycles relatively normal.  Before Ella, I did yoga every morning and spent 20-30 minutes on the elliptical at night.  But now, I get up at 5:00 am to get us ready and out the door on time, so I can't imagine getting up any earlier.  She's too interested in the elliptical for me to get any use out of it while she's awake, and I'm simply too tired by the time I put her to sleep.  We live too far out of town to make it worth it for me to get to a gym.  So I started running as a way to get a really quick workout into my routine, with or without Ella. 

Let me state for the record that I always hated running.  When I played soccer, I was what they call a "cherry-picker", meaning that I was a Forward who hung out as close to the Defenders as I could get and waited for the ball so that I could make a quick run and score.  When we were registering for Baby Shower gifts for Ella, I intentionally stayed away from the snazzy jogging strollers because I figured I would never use it for its intended purpose.

And yet, I remember feeling the urge to run as early as when I was on maternity leave with Ella.  I was pushing her in our travel system and wearing flip-flops, but I still felt myself wanting to run.  I probably looked pretty silly as I bounced along at a barely-faster-than-walking-pace to the corner.

Our development is made up of two blocks, and we live on the corner of the "big block".  The whole perimeter is only 1.2 miles, which is nothing for the running world, but feels big to a novice.  I was surprised at how quickly I was able to build up the endurance to make it all the way around the "big block".  I'm definitely winded halfway through the run, and panting and "glistening" by the time I make it back home, but I started doing it more and more regularly.  I usually just do the 1.2 mile "big block" most evenings after work, but I'll sometimes push farther on the weekends.

While heading into the final leg of a run sometime in January, when I was somewhere around 10-12 weeks pregnant, I was somehow inspired to run 100 miles before the baby came.  I hate the word "goal", and yet, I find myself working towards achieving this milestone.  I was proud to hit the 50-mile halfway point before I hit the 20-weeks pregnant halfway point. 

On days when my husband is home, I run by myself.  But there are plenty of days--like this whole month--when I bring Ella with me.  And up until just a week ago, I was pushing her in that exact same travel system stroller.  With a new Baby Girl on the way, I finally splurged and bought myself a fancy new convertible/in-line jogging stroller that I love!

My husband left the first weekend in March.  That weekend, I hurt my foot--not by running, but by simply walking around the mall shopping!  I should have stayed off of it right away, but I kept telling myself that it would heal on its own.  On our trip home to California, I took advantage of having my parents around to watch Ella and pushed myself hard, running 12 miles in five days.

 

Early morning run along the Sacramento River.

So by the time that I got back home this week, my foot was really bothering me, and I knew that it was time to stay off of it for a couple of days.  I ran today for the first time since Monday morning; and I have to say that I think that I have gotten to the point where I missed it (although my foot still hurts a bit).  I don't intend to enter any marathons anytime soon (or ever), but I do hope that I can keep running as a part of my lifestyle...or at least until I finish up these last 37 miles that I have to go before I make it to 100!

Today's blessing--besides running again--was the chance to make some new curtains for Ella's new room.  I admit that they aren't perfect, but I was quite pleased with how they turned out--and it was great to see her excitement.  We still have quite a way to go in making her room feel put-together instead of just hodge-podge, but they are definitely a start!  I'll post pictures once the room is finished. 

Not What I Wanted To Hear

The general consensus is that it was super sweet when my little intuitive two-year old told me that I had a baby growing in my tummy before I even knew.

So I think that we would all agree that it would be a little unnerving when the very same little intuitive two-year old told me that my baby was dieing.  It kind of knocks the wind right out of you, doesn't it?

I don't actually think that this Baby Girl is dieing, but Ella's comment sure didn't set well with me last night.  And I don't exactly know where the comment came from.  She was acting out a bit as I tried to get her into her carseat, and she has been saying "I no love you" a lot lately, mostly--I think--to get a reaction out of me.  She also admitted last night that she really misses her daddy (he's gone for the whole month of March for his Army Reserves Annual Training, and we've had very little communication with him). 

It's possible that she's picking up on my fears, as unfounded as they may be.  I hit the 20-week mark this week, so I should be rejoicing that I'm at the halfway point.  Instead, I find myself comparing pregnancies.  I had my anatomy scan last week, and everything looks absolutely perfect, so I trust that everything is totally fine.  But by this time with Ella, I was feeling strong, distinct kicks (I remember that the first legitimate feel-it-from-the-outside kick was the night before her anatomy scan).  But with this new Baby Girl, I'm lucky if I get a little wiggle from her here or there. 

So much has changed between this pregnancy and the last.  With Ella, I had the luxury of sitting all evening with my legs propped up, hands on belly, calmly waiting.  Now, I'm running all over the place--literally (more on this later)--trying to keep up with Ella, and not "indulging" in this state of being pregnant.  So perhaps she is just as active as Ella...but perhaps so am I, and I just don't have the capacity to notice.

I trust that God is in control, and I know that He has a perfect plan for my life.  I am acutely aware of just how fragile life is, and so I tell this Baby Girl just how loved, cherished, and wanted she is--just as I did with Ella.  But I also pray for peace, and for the right words to share with Ella, my little intuitive two-year old. 

My recent blessing was the chance to go home last week to visit my parents and grandparents.  Like I mentioned, my husband is gone for the month, so this was the perfect getaway for both me and Ella.  She loved spending time with her family, and I adored watching her fall deeper in love with all of them. 

"I Want to Be a Mommy Someday"

Driving in to work/school this morning, Ella sweetly proclaimed "I want to be a mommy someday". 

Oh, how I pray that she get the chance to be a mommy!  How I pray that she experience the joys (and lets be honest--struggles) of loving a child unconditionally.  It's years and years (and decades!) from now, but I look forward to seeing my baby care for her baby the way that she now cares for her baby dolls (okay, maybe a little bit more carefully than how she currently handles them, but I trust that will come with time and experience). 

And I selfishly pray that God protect her from the pain that I suffered during my losses as I waited to become a mommy.  I can't protect her from everything, but I hope that I can empower her to make healthy choices for her lifestyle.  I pray that I can be a good role model for her.  I pray that we can talk, when the time is right, about all that I went through and all that I learned about faith and waiting for God's perfect plan. 

Oh, how I pray that God listen to the desire of her little heart!

I was blessed this weekend to be able to participate in my husband's promotion to Major.  We were married when he was promoted to Captain, but he was promoted in the field, so I wasn't able to participate.  In his little speech at the end, he thanked me and Ella and his various mentors, but then said that he especially wanted to thank the (enlisted) soldiers with whom he has served.  I know he gets frustrated with some of the bureaucracy, but has always been committed to his soldiers--sometimes to a fault.  I really am proud of him and his leadership, and I'm so blessed to be his wife. 

Ella-isms (Vol. 7)

Time for an update on all the wild and crazy things that Ella is doing and saying these days:

Kissy-Kissy
These days, Ella is totally into kissing the baby in my tummy.  It's very very sweet; but I do have to sometimes kindly reminder her that the Target parking lot is not the best place to be lifting my shirt up.  She also wants to kiss and be kissed everywhere--but we both end up laughing hysterically when she asks to be kissed on her "goat" (she somehow blended "goatee" with "throat") and then wiggles away from the tickles.  I kiss her every time I put her in her carseat, but the other day when I asked if I could give her a kiss, she put her finger to her chin and said, "Let me think about it"--and then proceeded to direct me to kiss her on the cheek.

First Friend Fight
Ella has a little friend named Madelyn, who I have probably mentioned before.  They are three days apart, and started at the same daycare the same day.  Madelyn's family actually just moved over to our side of town, and the two are pretty much best friends.  But a couple of days ago, apparently Madelyn told Ella that she didn't like her, and it broke Ella's little heart.  She brought it up on the way home, and then over dinner to my husband, and again that night when we were getting ready for bed.  My sweet little girl is barely two and already had her first fight with a friend!  It broke my heart to see Ella so sad, but it was a great opportunity to talk to both girls about feelings and the impact of our words.  Madelyn's mom and I have become good friends, so I gave her a heads-up so that we could talk to both girls.  The next day, Ella marched right up to Madelyn and told her directly, "You made me sad", and the girls have been happy with each other ever since.

E is for Ella!
Ella has been singing her ABC song for a couple of months now, but it seems like she is starting to recognize that each letter is unique.  She can recognize her name when it's written on her art projects from school--though it could be that she just assumes that the writing must be her name.  But she surprised my husband and me the other day when she pointed out a restaurant sign while stopped at a red light and proclaimed "E is for Ella"!  Wouldn't you know--we were right in front of an Eegee's (a local restaurant chain). 

11, 14, 16!
Along with her letters, Ella has also been getting better with her numbers.  She has been counting to 10 for months--though I think it was out of memorization rather than true counting.  Lately, she has been getting much better at truly counting out objects; and she's also trying to count higher.  But so far, she seems to jump from 11 to 14 to 16 and end there.

Lord's Prayer
Every night, we practice the Lord's Prayer.  We started by saying most of it and leaving the last word of each line for her to say.  As time has gone on, she's picked up more of it on her own--or at least she has her own variation.  I'll share what I say in italics, and what she says in bold:

Our Father!
Who art in heaven!
Hallowed by Thy name!
Thy kingdom power! (try as we might, we can't get her to say "come" here)
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this daily bread (she typically skips "day our" before "daily bread")
And forgive us our debtors/debts as we forgive our debts/debtors (she often flip-flops the two)
And lead us not into temptation! (with emphasis)
But deliver us from evil! (with extra emphasis!)
For thine is the kingdom-power-glory-forever-AMEN! (typically quickly slurred together, with a valiant "Amen!" finish)

 Full-Circle Fashion
You may remember that I posted about two years ago that my aunt sent me back the dresses that my grandma had made for me, that my mom had then passed on to my niece. Well, Ella is big enough to wear them now!  In fact, I hadn't realized just how small one of the dresses was, so it hung in her closet and never got worn (I guess it's a good thing we're having another girl!).  But we can get a couple more months of wear out of the other dresses, including this one she wore to church today:

Yesterday's blessing was the chance to celebrate my 34th birthday with reorganizing our house to make room for the new baby, followed by a glorious five-mile run, and then capped off with the most delicious dinner at Smashburger.  At various times throughout the day, Ella sweetly reminded me that it was my birthday, and sang "Happy Birthday" to me a couple times.  Nothing fancy, but it really was a very blessed birthday. 

A Sister for Ella

Growing up with two brothers, I always wanted a sister.  Don't get me wrong--I love my brothers, but it always seemed like there was such a unique bond between sisters that I may have missed out on.  It looks like Ella will get to have the sister that I always wanted. 

I admit that a part of me was hoping for a boy--I know that my husband hopes for a son at some point to carry on the family name (as old and traditional as that sounds), and I wanted to mix things up a bit (please don't judge me for my honesty--I feel bad enough that I was hoping one way or the other in the first place).  But I'm thrilled that--first and foremost--this baby girl is healthy, and that I saved most of Ella's old clothes, and that Ella will have the chance to have the sister-relationship that I always wanted. 

Now that we know that we're having another girl, we can start planning and decorating Ella's new room.  The plan is to keep her nursery as it is for the new baby girl, and move her next door over to the guest room where we have a full-sized bed.  She was so excited to learn yesterday that she will get a new big bed that she insisted on sleeping in it last night--and did just great!  Talk about an easy transition!  I'm afraid that the hard part is going to be asking her to return to her little toddler-bed for a couple of nights so that we can paint the room and spruce up some of the furniture before we fully move her into her new room. 

So, it looks like the only thing we'll actually "need" for this new baby girl is a new double-jogging stroller.  I lent my sister-in-law some clothes earlier on when my niece was born, so I'll have to try to get those back too.  And perhaps I should invest in some good laundry detergent to get some of those lingering stains out of Ella's old clothes.  Other than that, I guess we're pretty much ready to welcome Baby Girl #2 in early August!

Today's blessing was watching Ella's excitement over Valentine's Day.  Yes, I admit that she's mostly excited about eating chocolate; but when we talked about how it's a special day to tell our friends how much we love and appreciate them, she declared that she loves her friend Madelyn the most--and then marched into school to tell her so.  It's such a blessing to see her "get it" these days as she learns and applies new things. 

Closet Cleanout (or Maternity Makeover)

Before I even knew that I was pregnant, my amazing colleague who I really enjoy and appreciate returned from her own maternity leave and returned to me all of the maternity clothes that I had offered to let her borrow.  Little did I know, at the time, that I would be needing them so quickly!

Over Winter Break, I ironed every piece of clothing in my closet so that I would have plenty to choose from at the start of a busy semester.  But I wasn't counting on my belly growing so big so quickly!  I ended up wearing some ill-fitting un-buttoned clothes this week (with a belly band, of course) so that I could justify wearing those nicely pressed items one last time before I officially start reaching for the maternity clothes again.  Luckily, I tend to buy some longer, more "flowing" items even when I'm not pregnant, so many of my shirts should still fit me for months to come.  And because I have such a long torso (I swear, my body is truly designed for carrying a baby), I even wore a couple pairs of my non-maternity low-cut pants fully buckled under my belly all the way through my pregnancy with Ella.  But most of my dress trousers aren't going to make it much longer.

So this weekend, while Ella played independently in the other room (I love this stage!!), I went through my first major "closet cleanout" or "maternity makeover"--boxing up the items that won't fit during the rest of this pregnancy and the early weeks with the new baby, and replacing them with my three-years-out-of-season-but-good-enough maternity clothes from last time around. 

I'm going to need to do a little more shopping.  If anything, you may remember that I got a promotion when I returned from maternity leave (making it much easier to return!), so I feel that I need to do a better job of "dressing the part" this time around (not to mention, I seem to have stuck with the blue/purple theme last time, so maybe I should try to add a little extra color this time around).  When I mention that I'm due in early August, everyone shows concern that I'm going to have to struggle through the hot Arizona summers in my third trimester.  But for me, I figure that I'd much rather be wearing the cute spring and summer maternity clothes than be all bundled up with layers in the winter!  But I guess that we take what we can get.  My husband's promotion will be the first week in March, so I'm excited to go up and shop in the "real" city.  Until then, I'll finish out the rest of my ironed they-fit-now-but-not-much-longer outfits. 

Yesterday's blessing was the chance to play with Ella in the snow.  That's right--you read it correctly--we had snow in Arizona!  We only got an inch or snow, and it was all gone by lunch, but it sure was fun while it lasted!  I hope these sort of days turn into memories for her--I know they will for me.

Good Odds

I go the call from the geneticist yesterday afternoon about the results from our First Trimester Screening.  I knew, from the ultrasound, that everything "looked" good.  And I knew, from bloodwork years ago, that both my husband's and my genes were "normal".  So I assumed and trusted that would indeed be good and normal, and selfishly just used the screening as another opportunity to confirm that our baby is indeed growing.

And sure enough, she confirmed that all of the tests came back in the normal range.  I think that I surprised her a bit when I asked for more details, but she was happy to give me the numbers when I shared our history and my desire to educate myself as much as I could.

 Our next appointment is next Wednesday--I'll be fifteen weeks at the time.  I pray and trust that things are fine inside my growing belly, but I'll be honest--little inklings of fear trickle in from time to time.  It's still too early to feel true movement, but I sometimes experience what I call "sensations of growth".  They aren't strong enough to be kicks...but I like to imagine that they are perhaps stretches.  And even if these sensations aren't truly caused by the baby (because let's face it--he or she is about the size of a lemon and weighs just barely over an ounce), then hopefully it's at least my uterus growing.  And maybe it is just my imagination, but I'm choosing to live with wonder rather than worry. 

Our blessing this week was learning that my husband was promoted to Major!  I am very proud of him, and looking forward to participating in his actual promotion ceremony to recognize him for the hard work that he does for the Army and for us.