Sunday, October 4, 2009

Desires of Your Heart

"Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

This verse offers a beautiful promise.  But what if the desires of my heart are not in line with God's plan for my life?  I've really been struggling with this concept since my third loss in May.

I want a baby.  I want to be a mother.  I want to experience the overwhelming flood of joy at seeing a heartbeat on an ultrasound.  I want to be overcome with emotion to feel the kicks and punches of tiny legs and arms.  I want to experience the excitement and pain of labor.  I want to see the awe in my husband's eyes.  This is my heart's desire.

But I'm trying to wrap my mind around the possibility that this might not be God's desire for my life.  For so long I've prayed that the Lord bless us with a baby.  After repeated heartbreak, I'm now trying to pray that God align my heart's desire to be consistent with His.  If a biological child is not His plan for our lives, I pray that He remove this desire from my heart.  I pray that I'm able to cling to His plan for my life.

I was blessed yesterday to have the chance to hang out with a dear friend while my husband is at Army Reserve Drill.  She is up here for a rotation for medical school, and it was really great to have some quality heart-to-heart girl time.  We usually have our husbands with us when we hang out, so it was nice to be able to talk about girl things without the boys.  I really believe that God brought her (and her husband) into our lives to be a support and encouragement and source of joy.

1 comment:

  1. I hear you, girlfriend. At church on Sunday I was praying and pleaing with God to show me what to do next- I do not yet want to fully let go of my desire to be a mom and I am praying that God still has it in His grand plan that it will still happen. But the scary thought is what if it's not part of the plan?


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