I survived my first day back at work, and Ella survived her first day at daycare. Let's just hope that this arrangement continues to work for us.
Ella was the first baby in the infant room to arrive today, which was nice because it gave me a little bit of extra time to chat with the caretaker in the infant room. Ella gave her a sweet smile and didn't cry when I left. I, on the other hand, had some tears when I left her.
I was the first one into the office, which I admit that I felt a little bit guilty to have some "me time". It's a weird sensation to miss holding my daughter in my arms...and yet feel a new "lightness" that I haven't experienced since she was born. For the last three months, everything that I've done has revolved around her. Don't get me wrong--I've loved it! And I've made sure to take some time for myself. But when I do, my plans still revolve around her needs. But now that I'm back at work, I'm essentially forced to focus on someone other than her. I have to remind myself that in the same way that I need to focus on my students, these care providers are there to focus on her. I have to trust that she is in good hands, and that the women who are taking care of her really and truly are taking good care of her.
Since things are still a little bit slow on campus, I snuck away during my lunch hour to feed and visit Ella. I won't always have this luxury once things get busier, so I want to take advantage of this time as much as possible. I think that I'm going to try to make it over there at least once a week...is that reasonable?
Although it is tough to leave Ella, I had an amazing work-related blessing. On Saturday, I dropped by the office to drop off the pump, my computer, and some snacks so as to make today a bit easier, and was blessed to find a promotion letter on my desk. With the promotion came a very generous raise which will nearly cover Ella's daycare expenses. God is so good for providing for us in this way! I still wish that I could stay home with her, but it does make it a little bit easier to go to work knowing that the work that I do is valued and appreciated.