I can't shake this cold, and on top of feeling like crap--physically--I'm feeling like crap--emotionally--because it's the first week of classes and I'm at home. I feel like I'm letting my colleagues down, but I'm home today because I probably pushed myself too hard earlier this week.
After taking Monday off--which I know was the right thing to do--I brought Ella into work with me on Tuesday because I thought that I was up for it. Yesterday, my husband stayed home with her because she still has a bit of a cough and a stuffy nose. So I went to work, but coughed the whole time. It's that nasty, dry, unproductive cough. I had a cough drop in, and was still coughing. By the mid-afternoon yesterday, I could feel the pressure building in my head as well. Last night, I felt even worse. I had chills and couldn't stop my runny nose or my cough. i was flat-out miserable.
This morning, I gave in to the cold and went into the clinic at the drug store. I knew that it was just a nasty cold and didn't warrant a trip to Urgent Care. The very nice doctor (okay, he's really not a true doctor, but he knew his stuff) diagnosed me as having a common cold that turned into Acute Bronchitis. He gave me a prescription for a cough suppressant which he assured me was safe while breastfeeding ad told me that I would need to just let the illness run its course.
So I'm home and trying to rest between blowing my nose and coughing up gunk...but my heart is at work. Don't get me wrong--I love having a day at home with Ella, but I feel like I'm not following through on my responsibilities. I feel like I'm letting my colleagues down. I fear that my supervisors are going to regret giving me that nice promotion. I'm afraid that people will resent me having a baby who got me sick (or vice versa). I know I'm perhaps being hard on myself, but I don't take my work responsibilities lightly--especially during such a busy time of the semester. I just want to be a good colleague...while also being a good mom and wife and daughter and friend...and the list goes on and on.
Today's blessing is that Ella seems to be doing a little bit better. She's still kind of snotty, but she's happy and beautiful (well, except for maybe the dried boogers around her nose that she doesn't want me to clean off). I pray that both of our immune systems can heal and strengthen for the rest of this cold and flu season so that we can both feel better.