Negativity

You may have remembered a post from a week or so ago entitled "Positivity", lamenting that I still had enough HCG in my system to result in a positive HPT. Well, I'm happy to report that I can now post the flipside--aptly titled "Negativity".

After the positive test, I told myself that I wouldn't test again until after the Chicago trip. But we got home on Sunday...and I kept forgetting to test until this morning. I take that as a good sign. It's funny that when we're TTC, I'm always so anxious to test, and I feel like I have a one-track mind, just counting down the days and waking up early on the set day. So to forget all about it for two days gives me hope that I won't always obsess as much as I do (at least until we start trying again).

I recognize that hoping for a negative test is not quite as mentally consuming as praying for a positive test. And I feel a bit weird saying "I'm happy to report", because in the grand scheme of things, I'm not at all happy about a negative test. I wish with all my heart that I was still pregnant right now. But given that this wasn't God's plan for my life at the moment, I see a negative test as a small victory. It means that I'm physically ready to move on. (So now is the time to start praying for a new cycle).

Today's blessing (aside from the negative test) is that my supervisor brought in apples from her garden for me! I can't wait to make and eat applesauce from them.