100th Post

I was going to write something really sweet and meaningful about this being the 100th post and how much I appreciate the love and support that I have received through this venue.  And that is all still true.  But my body's timing didn't work out that way...and I have something else on my mind.

I think I ovulated a week ago (according to my temperature)...and now I'm spotting.  I have no idea what to think.  Yesterday afternoon, I noticed a mild ache in my lower abdomen region, and my "magical thinking" started wondering if it could be implantation.  I noticed just a tiny bit of pink when I wiped...so again, started flirting with the idea that perhaps it really could be implantation.  The timing would be right...right?  A tiny bit more spotting last night and this morning (just when I wipe), along with the little twinge in the same location from time to time.  My temperature was still up this morning--in fact, even higher than yesterday.  My heart wants to think "could it be?".

But then the questions in my head kick in.  If it's not implantation, then why am I spotting already?  Is my cycle going to start early?  If so, does that mean that I could have a luteal phase defect?  I'm kicking myself for sounding so confident and sure of myself in yesterday's post.  I don't enjoy feeling like this, and I'm doing everything that I can to rein myself in.  I was doing so well for the last couple of months with keeping my emotions in check!  I need to get back to that place of peace and trust.

Please pray for me.  I know it's too early to test, and I'm not usually a patient person.  But I think that patience is one of the things that God wants me to learn through this process.  I made it five weeks without my husband recently...I can make it another week in this state of uncertainty.  But please keep me in your prayers.

For today's blessing, let me go back to the original plan of celebrating my 100th post.  I truly feel amazingly blessed to have found so much support, care, and understanding from so many women who share my pain.  You have filled a void that sometimes even a husband can't fill.  Deep down, I wish that we didn't have to "meet" this way.  But since we have, I appreciate your compassion along this journey, and I pray that I can offer the same to you.  Please know that I pray for so many of you so often.  Though we share a common sadness, I'm blessed to have found this community.  May God bless you as you have blessed me.