I admit it--I'm a bit of a control freak. When it comes to TTC, I do my best to leave it all in God's capable hands. But sometimes (truth be told, I should say "all too often") it feels good to know what's going on. So I guess you could say I'm an "inquisitive control freak". And so I track my temperature.
I realize that it's not 100% accurate all of the time, but for the most part, it seems to give me the information that I need (since I can't exactly just "peak inside" whenever I want...which is often what I really want to do). But I like the data and confirmation that I feel it provides for me. I even like that I can anticipate if a new cycle is coming if/when the temperature drops--it's like a silent messenger who arrives ahead of time to bear the news, making it easier to cope with the emotions when the cycle does truly arrive (and sparing the heartache of "wasting" a test on a negative). Weird sidenote--I don't actually "chart" my temperatures in a graph. Rather, I just keep them listed, and that's enough for me. I guess it just feels less compulsive if I don't feel like I'm tethered to a "chart". I often put it all into a graph at the very end of a cycle so that I can (what's the right word) "admire" the data and feel good that it confirms what I experienced. Weird--I know.
Anyway, my temperature spiked a few days ago. I put off writing this post to see if it was just a fluke (like I said...I realize it's not always 100% accurate), but it's been staying high (today being the highest so far). Again--it's just been a few days, so I'm nowhere near the end of my TWW. But I feel confident that I can say that I ovulated somewhere around Day 21. I was kind of bummed it wasn't sooner (last month was Day 16, which made me feel "more normal"), but I'll take it. Now let's just see if they stay elevated...
So please pray for me. I've wanted desperately to be pregnant for more than two years now...but I admit that I feel like I want it this month more than ever before. I trust that God knows my heart, and He knows when I'm truly ready. So please pray two "If..." prayers for me. If I'm pregnant, then please pray that God keep this child safe and that He allow me to carry a healthy baby to full-term. If I'm not pregnant, then please pray that God hold my heart and that I'm able to feel His presence through the emptiness, especially as we head into the holidays and the new year.
My blessing today was a good giggle. My mother-in-law is the hardest person alive to shop for...she owns her own gift store! How are you supposed to shop for someone who buys everything they could ever want and can just bring it home whenever they want? So we're looking at getting her a weekend in a cabin this summer when all three kids, spouses, and five grandkids can spend some time away together. I was researching rental properties today, and found one that suggests their facility as a great location for weddings, family reunions, fly fishing...and "procreation vacations". I'm sure they meant "recreation", but it still makes me laugh.