Going Back

So...the pain in my lower abdomen is increasing.  It's been there since Wednesday afternoon, and it's becoming more noticeable.  It's not "bad", but it's definitely there, and doesn't seem to just be going away.  And I'm still spotting on and off.  Since we leave on Tuesday to visit my husband's family in the middle of nowhere (my husband was born in the next state over because it had the nearest hospital), I figured I'd better call to get checked out before we leave.

My RE has already left for vacation (understandable), and there were no appointments available at my regular OB/GYN's office (also understandable, on short notice).  So the scheduled me for an appointment with a clinic across town from where I work for this afternoon.  I'm grateful that they were able to squeeze me in on such short notice (especially since the pain is relatively mild)...but the clinic is part of the hospital where my hold world came crashing.  It's the hospital that is nearest to my home, so it's where I drove myself when the bleeding and pain got to the point of being unbearable in my first loss.  My husband was out of state at the time, so I had to drive myself.  By the time I got there, I had lost so much blood that I passed out on the bathroom floor, hitting my head in the process.  It's a really sad place for me.

My mom says that perhaps God is trying to get me to work through issues associated with that location/experience...I think it was just more of a coincidence that it was the only appointment open.  The hospital doesn't hold any "power" over me.  I drive past it every day on my way to work.  It's just beyond the exit that I take every day getting off the freeway.  But it makes me sad and scared to think about going back there.  Couple that with the pain and confusion of this discomfort, and I admit that I'm at one of my lower points. 

As scared as I am, I realize I'm blessed that they are able to see me today.

Update:  I was in and out in less than 30 minutes.  I hadn't realized that there is an additional clinic next to the hospital; so even though I was at the same location, it was a different facility.  Anyway, the doctor said I'm not crazy for coming in since we'll soon be in a remote area...but she didn't have anything else to tell me.  She did an internal exam and said everything felt fine.  She "tried" to do an ultrasound...but either the machine was too old or she didn't know what she was doing with it.  It was a little frustrating, but I totally understand that ultra-sensitive RPL patients are probably not her specialty when she's been accustomed to working with "normal fertiles".  She praised my RE and said that his expertise and equipment would have given us a better idea of what's going on...had he still been in town.  Her recommendation is that I go to the ER/Urgent Care if it gets worse between now and Monday.  She did a urine pregnancy test...which came back negative.  It is still a bit early...but at least I didn't have to waste my last one.

I'm blessed that my sister-in-law is a doctor, so if things do get worse after we leave, then at least I'll have her there.