Living In The Moment

My husband and I spent an amazing weekend at a fabulous resort.  It was the kind of place that makes me feel just a bit uncomfortable because it is so extremely ritzy.  But he earned two free nights from all of his travels, so we took advantage of the chance to get away.  We also treated ourselves to a day of shopping--which really gave me the opportunity to truly experience what it means to live in the moment.

For the last two years, I admit that I've been oscillating between living in the past and living in the ("potential") future, rather than living in the moment.  I often find myself going back and forth between when I was previously pregnant and desires to one day be pregnant again.  But it's harder for me to stop myself where I am, take a look at what I have, and be content with my current situation.

Take my wardrobe for example.  Since our wedding in March 2007, I admit that I put on a lot of weight.  Granted, I was looking really good for the wedding.  I joke that I never quite gained the "Freshman Fifteen", but I most definitely packed on the "Newlywed Twenty" (perhaps even more).  But since meeting with the RE in February and discovering that I have PCOS, I've totally reworked my diet and exercise plan.  In the last two months or so, it's really seemed like the weight has really been falling off.  I admit that I've been rolling the waist of my pants over to get them to stay on.  I even discovered that there is one pair of pants that I can completely pull off without even unbuttoning them.  And yet, I kept considering "but what if I get pregnant?" instead of just going out to the mall to buy new pants that actually fit.  Finally, this weekend, I allowed myself the freedom to live in the moment and buy new pants.

I didn't go overboard--just one pair of jeans and one pair of slacks.  But it's a start.  I'm living in the moment--and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I'm actually a size smaller than I had expected.  I don't think that I'm ready to get rid of the baggy pants yet.  My mind still runs away from me at times and I start wondering if I could wear them again if/when I'm pregnant.  But perhaps I can allow myself to at least push them to the back of the closet and wear something that is flattering.

It truly was a blessing to spend such an amazing weekend away with my husband.  We dined, slept, relaxed, and just enjoyed each other.  It was the perfect weekend--right in between his trip to Djibouti and the upcoming holidays.  It was exactly what we needed--a chance to both unwind and reconnect.