An Anniversary

On a quiet Saturday morning in May 2009--not much unlike today--I started this blog.  Okay, so the anniversary of my first blog posting is actually May 9th, which is tomorrow...which is also Mother's Day, so I wanted to focus on that element, and instead chose to celebrate this last year of my blog today.

In some ways, so many things are similar to where I was last year...and in other ways, so many things are so entirely different.  Like today, my husband was still asleep when I creeped to the computer.  Like today, the ocotillo were still blooming in the backyard.  Like today, I was pregnant a year ago as well.  I remember playing trial and error as I searched for a fitting name for the blog.  I wanted something along the lines of "third time's a charm", since it was our third pregnancy, and I was certain that it would last.  We were finally working with an RE, so it had to work, right?  Looking back, I'm so glad that anything related to the "third time" was taken (I kind of avoid that saying now, as clearly the third time is not always the charm).  Instead, I settled on "Blessed in Arizona", and used it as an opportunity to reflect on my blessings.  On that day a year ago, my blessing of the day was "a lazy Saturday when I had the chance to crawl back into bed with my amazing husband" (perhaps I'll do so again today).  Thus started a year of recognizing how God has blessed me abundantly--even in the midst of loss.

But I digress...unlike today, that pregnancy did not progress.  Unlike today, I was really struggling to understand and handle my emotions.  Unlike today, I didn't know what it meant to feel a sense of peace or a sense of hope.  I have changed so much in the last year, and I believe that I owe a lot of that to the venue that this blog has provided to me to not only share my own struggles, but to connect with other women who have walked the same path.  I have been so inspired by so many of you.  There are those of you have shared your stories of raw pain and how you are working through it, and have provided me with the safety I, too, needed to be vulnerable and honest in my struggles.  There are those of you who have wondered aloud about everything from bodily changes to "why would God do this?", and made me realize that it's okay that I, too, have unanswered questions.  There are those of you who demonstrated your faith day after day and how God is working in your lives, and caused me to look at my own faith-life and recognize that I, too, needed to rebuild and sustain an intimate relationship with Him.  There are those of you who find a way to laugh in the face of infertility struggles and loss, and helped me to realize that I, too, needed some joy and laughter in my life to balance out my tears and heartache.  And there are those of you who have shared your stories of successful pregnancies after loss, and helped me believe that I, too, can carry a baby to full-term after a loss. 

So, on this anniversary, I want to acknowledge and thank everyone who has been a part of this journey.  Every comment that is left for me, and every blog posting that I read, has contributed to shaping me into the person that I am today (and into the mother that I hope to be).  It's so reassuring to recognize that I'm not alone on this journey, and I hope that I have been able to be a good travelling companion for you on your journey as well.

So aside from the blessing of a lazy Saturday in which I can climb back in bed with my amazing husband, my blessing for today truly is this blog and the women that I have met through it.  Although I may not "know" you, please know that you are a significant part of my life, and I'm overwhelming blessed to have your kindness and support.