I think I said it pretty good last year:
"Most of the world wouldn't recognize me as a mother. I don't push a stroller around, I don't have drawings on the refrigerator, and I don't drive a mini-van. I've never decorated a nursery in our extra bedroom, I've never settled on a name, and I've never designed a birth announcement. And yet, I consider myself a mother."
As I shared yesterday in my reflection on the anniversary of this blog, so much has changed over the course of the year. As my belly continues to grow, the world is beginning to recognize me as a mother...but I've known my special status since July 2008 when I found out that I was pregnant for the first time. I believe that life begins at conception--therefore, I believe that motherhood also begins at conception. Today, I choose to quietly celebrate my role as "Mother"--not only to this little baby girl that is growing (and kicking) inside of me, but to my other three babies who I will someday meet in heaven.
I know that Mother's Day is so hard for so many of us who have struggled with in/fertility and survived loss. We "deserve" to be celebrated, and yet it's also hard for those who love us to celebrate something that brings us so much pain at the memory of loss and desire. To my knowledge, Hallmark doesn't make a Mother's Day card for those of us who are missing our babies on days like today (or any other day, for that matter). All I can do is reach out and share that I recognize and acknowledge that today is difficult, and pray that God bring you peace.
Yes, I know it's cliche to choose my mom as my blessing on Mother's Day, but it's kind of the obvious choice. I know that I was sharing yesterday that my mom and I went through some rough patches in my teenage years. Though we worked through (most of) them at the time, my turning point in appreciating my mom and her selflessness is when she dropped everything to fly down and care for me after my first loss. Something in our relationship changed that day, and I recognized a new glimpse of a mother's love. In honor of my mom on Mother's Day, I wanted to share that we have selected to use her name as our daughter's middle name (first name is still yet to be decided). I love you Mom!