Monday, July 19, 2010

Worry vs. Wonder

I don't think that I'll ever be able to stop the "worry" that creeps up.  (And no, there is nothing out of the ordinary going on--this is more of a "commentary" sort of post.)  Today marks 30 weeks for us...we're now 3/4 of the way there!  But for my family, 30 weeks also marks the point at which my sister-in-law lost her son due to cord complications.  They were at lamaze class when she and my brother shared with the instructor that she hadn't felt the baby move that ultrasound that night confirmed the worst.  That was in September 2008...and the pain is still very real and very vivid for all of us.  So while I approach each day as a beautiful milestone, I also head into this week with that experience in my head and my heart.

At the same time, I think that for the most part, I'm starting to move away from a state of "worry" and into a sense of "wonder".  And I guess that this "wonder" can be defined in two mutual ways--there's the "wonder and awe" of the newness of this miracle, and then there's there "curiosity and wonder" that is more closely linked to "worry"...but feels like it's a step in the right direction of trusting that I will indeed meet this Baby Girl in September.  

Being the wise man that he is, my husband has often shared one of his pearls of wisdom with me:  "Worrying is a lot like a rocking gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere".  And he's right, though I admit that I still worry from time to time.  But whereas I feel that worrying keeps me "stuck" in the past, it feels like "wonder" allows me to not only stay in the present, but perhaps even look toward the future.  In my mind, worry is associated with "fear", but wonder relies on "trust" and makes way for "hope".

So as I move into 30 weeks, I am cognizant of the loss that my brother and sister-in-law experienced at this point in their pregnancy, but I can't let myself get wrapped up in the worry.  And so I wonder--with both "awe" and "curiosity"--about this Baby Girl growing and developing in me, and pray that God continue to protect her as He continues to work in my life.

Yesterday's blessing was the chance to hang out with our circle of friends.  There are four couples (including us) in our little group at church, and it just worked out that all three couples were able to join us for dinner at our place.  I don't think we've had all eight of us together at once since Super Bowl, so it really was a blessing to recognize the friendships and bonds that we share with these other couples.


  1. That would be very tough to experience at 30 weeks. I pray baby girl stays safe and sound in there!

  2. I'm sorry that 30 weeks is a sad time in your family - I know what you mean by getting 'so far' and still remember those that have not made it to the end. It is still worrisome but God's plan for all of us is different, and I've learned to accept that someone's loss at X weeks does not mean that it will happen to me (although never ruled out, just not pending doom) - it's so great to hear you are doing great at 30 weeks - just another to go and you'll be in the single digit weeks until your lil' babe arrives - any more belly pics? Btw, have you heard how Janet and Madison are doing?

  3. I pray that God gives you a new peace whenever these fears sneak up on you. I like your hubby's rocking chair analogy - worrying definitely gets us nowhere.

  4. Reading your post and remembering Joshua's death made me cry.


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