Saturday, July 10, 2010

Reconsidering...Feedback, Please?

A couple of months ago, I explained that openly sharing my pregnancy on facebook was not something I was choosing to do.  I expressed concern about inflicting any undue pain on anyone who may be struggling with in/fertility or loss through my posts.  And I've stayed true to that declaration, and the intentions behind it.   There have been a few "slip-ups" that I couldn't avoid (or more accurately--"that I chose not to delete") when my husband's friend congratulated me on a wall post, and more recently, when my husband's cousin tagged me in a picture from this weekend, thus exposing my belly.  Nothing has come of either of those posts, but I can't help but wonder if anyone else wonders...

I'm also struggling with a comment that a friend made--not in a way to hurt me, but in a way that totally rang true.  This friend was going in for surgery to have her gall bladder removed, and sent some of us closer friends an email about the upcoming procedure, in which she said something along the lines of "not telling you feels kind of like lying about it".  This wasn't directed at me by any means, and yet the element of truth stung a bit, and her comment has stayed with me.  I don't want it to seem like I'm "hiding" my pregnancy, and I most definitely don't want it to appear that I'm "lying" about it.

And so...I'm reconsidering my decision not to acknowledge my pregnancy on facebook.  But if and when I do "come out" (I still haven't decided on either the "if" or "when"), I want to do so in a way that a) is sensitive to others who may be struggling, b) acknowledges our journey, and c) expresses our sincere joy in how God has blessed us.  I still don't think I feel comfortable posting belly pictures or ultrasound images, and I doubt that I'll post any sort of "countdowns" or even a "we're headed to the hospital" type of status update, but I'm thinking of just adding a "note"--something that will give me enough space to share what's on my heart...and people can read it if they want, or just move on along.  (And yes, I totally realize that I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than the rest of the world...but to me, it is a big deal to share my love for this Baby Girl, and our story is so much more than a simple "We're pregnant!" announcement).

So listed below is what I'm thinking of posting--if and when it feels right (or if and when I get up the nerve).  Before crossing those if and when bridges, I'd love to get your feedback (like I said from the beginning--the whole reason behind not ever saying on facebook was to avoid inflicting pain), so please feel free to share your reactions.  Here goes:

This could possibly be the most significant piece of personal information that I've ever shared in this format, and yet I recognize that it has the potential to invoke a variety of reactions.  I know--because I've been the one to read these sorts of  announcements time and time again--sometimes with joy, sometimes with a heavy heart, sometimes with mixed emotions.  But this is my first real opportunity to be the one to actually write the words "We're pregnant!", and share the news that we are expecting a Baby Girl in September.

This has been a long and challenging journey for us, and I still struggle to find the right words to share it in this venue.  And yet, I feel compelled to acknowledge our experience.  After marrying Doug in March 2007, our first three pregnancies ended in loss, thus forever changing us as individuals and as a couple.  Nothing can fill the ache of losing a child, and yet we have been blessed with friends, family, and each other to help us through those times.  And now, we are abundantly blessed as we look forward to the arrival of our Baby Girl.  

I recognize that most of you probably had no idea of the struggles that we experienced, just as I may not know of the challenges that you may be facing in your lives.  I'm accutely aware that while our announcement fills many with joy, it could also cause pain for others who face similar struggles.  If you are hurting, please know that I've been there too, and I'm here for you if you ever want to talk.  

As we approach our due date in late September, please continue to pray for us as we eagerly anticipate the adventures of parenthood and welcoming our Baby Girl to our family. 

Whew!  That was harder than I thought to come up with the "right words"...and I don't even know if they are the "right words".  Too long?  Too raw?  Too revealing?  Not revealing enough?  I find myself trying to separate my "blog-voice" from my "facebook-voice"--I need to remember that it's two entirely different communities, and I don't know if I blurred the lines too much.  Please let me know what you think.  Take your time--I'm in no immediate rush (and don't be too surprised if I chicken out).

Yesterday's blessing was feeling a sense of accomplishment at work as I got through the overwhelming majority of the emails I missed from our week of vacation.  Yes, perhaps it was silly of me to hurry back from vacation for one day of work, but I had an afternoon commitment that I wanted to be able to fulfill; and I left with a good feeling that I can approach Monday without the dread of nearly 100 emails hanging over my head.


  1. I don't know how you feel about connecting your blog to your facebook, but that might be the way to say something. "I have big news and if you are interested in reading it, click here." That way you aren't putting so much information out there for the people that don't care. I'm careful with my facebook too, but my blog is linked. Just a thought. Otherwise, I like 4.

  2. I think she meant she was going to post the whole thing, not just sections???

    I think it is very thoughtful and sensitive, Laura. I think that people will not be offended if it comes from a sincere heart, and I feel like the way you propose to make your announcement is very forthright.

    You deserve to let the world know about your miracle...

  3. I agree with maybe saying, check the blog for an update...but I think announcing a pregnancy the way most people do on FB is hurtful, but when you announce it the way you just said, it's not hurtful....its cause for rejoice, even for those of us still in pain.

    I think its thoughtful that you are so worried about others now that you are on the other side of it.

  4. Posting to FB is definitely a difficult decision and one you aren't taking lightly. Its difficult to share your joy when you have been on the other end. I think you have to do in your heart what feels right. I know I've hidden my miscarriages from the world. Now pregnant with looks to be a viable pregnancy, I'm ready to share my story. I think by sharing your's on facebook you might be able to help others out there that need additional support that might be going through a difficult time as you have. You are brave for being so open. Whatever you decide to do - it will be ok because you've thought this through. Let us know what you decide!!

  5. I waited a bit to put it on FB, but I felt like I really had to acknowledge the pregnancy. I simply put a post that said, "After 2 heartbreaking and difficult losses, Josh and I are happy to share that we are expecting our first baby in July. Please pray that she continues to grow big and strong and we will have the chance to hold our little miracle". Simple and sweet, but to the point. I know that whatever you decide to do will be in the best interest of you and your baby.

  6. I think that if you want to put it on FB that what you have written is a very good way of doing it. It is definitely much more understanding than a lot of announcements I have seen on there : )

  7. I'm commenting kinda late...but in case you're still taking feedback... I think that eventually it will get out in FB in even bigger ways...more congrats, more photos, etc. So might as well, put out what you have written...maybe in a bit shorter format. just my 2 cents.


I love to hear what you think!