Friday, May 22, 2009


I went back for the follow-up ultrasound, and the doctor confirmed what we had expected--he still couldn't find a heartbeat. So this is now officially loss #3. He didn't have any sort of explanation--just that the embryo hadn't formed genetically perfectly. It's hard for me to wrap my head around how he can say it was "bad genetics" when our chromosome testing came back totally normal. If I understand it correctly, the genes that my husband and I pass on are individually perfectly fine, but that sometimes things get messed up in the cell division (perhaps I need to go back to my science books to truly understand it). But he says that he sees this all the time, and he feels confident that we can have a perfectly healthy baby.

I'm usually a rather shy and reserved person (my husband makes fun of me because I'm scared to order pizza over the phone), but I did something bold today. The route to the doctor's office brings me past our church, so I stopped by the office to see if I could ask the pastors to pray for me. They weren't available, but I asked the woman in the office to pray for me instead, which she did. I wouldn't normally reach out like that, but I knew I needed all the prayers I could get. And I'm so appreciative of everyone else who is praying for me through this as well.

I find it so hard to feel blessed on days like today, but I know that God loves me. Today's blessing is a "silver lining" type of blessing, but it's still a blessing that I can finally stop the heparin injections and progesterone supplements now that I have confirmation of the loss.

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