Sunday, May 17, 2009

Symptoms or Side Effects?

Our ultrasound is tomorrow, but my mind is still messing with me. It's so hard to keep doubts from creeping in. I feel like I haven't had to pee that much that because the pregnancy is failing or am I just dehydrated (we do live in the desert with triple digit weather). My bbs are sore from time to time...but is that just from the progesterone supplements? I praise God that I haven't spotted with this pregnancy, but again, could that just be due to the progesterone supplements? I've felt nauseous all afternoon...or is that just nerves? Sometimes I wish I would just puke already so that I know for sure that this is morning sickness.

We'll know more tomorrow, and I admit that I'm terrified of bad news. For many women, I would imagine that pregnancy is such a joyful time filled with surprises and excitement. But after a miscarriage (and especially after multiple miscarriages), it's quite a different experience. Everything scares me. Every twinge worries me. Every experience gets my mind racing in a million different directions. With daily devotion and exercise, I feel like I am able to manage many of these emotions. But the fear of another loss is always in the back of my head. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we anxiously anticipate a strong heartbeat tomorrow.

As for my blessing of the day, I love our Sunday routine. It sounds totally cheesy, but every Sunday, my husband and I play Scrabble at Starbucks after church. Even though he won today, I cherish the time that we have together in our countless games.

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