I had a horrible dream last night. I'll spare the details--I don't want to relive them by typing them out, and I don't want you to be burdened by the image--but it involved another loss. The fear was vivid enough to wake me up.
I immediately prayed that God would remove the images and the fear from my heart...then my mind started to try to rationalize the dream. In the dream, I had walked barefoot into the public bathroom at work. There is absolutely no way that I would walk barefoot into a public bathroom. Sure, I use my bathroom at home barefoot all of the time...and I may even kick my shoes off in my own little office. But I would never walk around our office hallways barefoot...let alone go into the bathroom sans shoes.
So I woke up my husband, at 4:30 a.m., to have him give me some reassurance and tell me that wouldn't happen. He was totally asleep, but agreed that I would never go into the bathroom barefoot. He sweetly cuddled me the rest of the night.
I'm really trying to move on from this dream and not give it too much credit. From a biblical viewpoint, I know that God sometimes uses dreams to tell us something. But from a psychological viewpoint, I also understand that dreams are often a manifestation of our subconcious. I fully recognize that my subconcious is still full of all kinds of fears. I trust that God is doing amazing things in my life, and I believe that He truly has a plan for me. But I'm acutely aware of the fragility of life...and that legitimately scares me.
Please pray for my peace of mind--especially at night. Pray that God protect and guard this baby, and that He protect and guard my heart and my dreams.
Today's blessing is simply that it's Friday. After traveling for the conference last week, I feel like it took everything out of me to get caught up this week. I worked late on Wednesday and Thursday...and I hope to be able to leave a little bit early today. I'm looking forward to the weekend.