What a difference a week (and two rounds of Cytotec) makes! I went back to the doctor's office today for another ultrasound to make sure that everything is clearing out properly, and it looks so different! There is no more sac, but the doctor said I might experience just a few more little clots. But the beautiful blessing is that it looks like I have successfully avoided another D&C, so thank you so much for your prayers. I found myself whole-heartedly praising God today for that news during my bible study, and realized that the last time I praised Him with that much enthusiasm was when I got the BFP. I know that there were some moments of pain and hurt and anger towards the end, but I guess that it is appropriate that this pregnancy both started and ended with me praising God with all my heart. Now if we can only get that praise to last for 9 months instead of 11 weeks next time...
As I was leaving the doctor's office, part of me felt like I should be sad, but I had to remind myself that it's okay to be grateful at this point. I mourned the loss of this most recent life in the weeks following the "no cardiac activity" ultrasound on May 18th. It's now June 11th, and while I will always miss this child, I need to know that it's okay to move on.
So now I need to figure out what to do with myself for the next couple of months before TTC again. If it were the academic year, I would easily find distractions. But it's nice and slow for me in the summer-time. I guess I should take some time to truly meditate on what the Lord wants of my time and talents right now.
My blessing today came from God speaking to me through a verse in today's bible study: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10). This verse brought me comfort, and I pray that it can do the same for you.