Sunday, June 28, 2009

W.T.F. (Not What You Think...)

W.T.F. No, it's not that naughty word. But today's posting is about female bodily functions. So if that's not what you were hoping to be reading about, please kindly refer to one of my other "cleaner" posts.

I admit that I have tended to get a bit obsessed with my bodily functions while searching for that elusive act of ovulation over the last two years. I feel like all of the health classes we took in high school made it seem like we would get pregnant the very first time we ever did it without protection. Well that didn't happen, so I started trying to figure out when I was going to ovulate (little did I know that I had developed a hormone imbalance/PCOS that was totally screwing up my cycle).

First we tried the Ovulation Predictor Kits. It seemed too expensive to get the pack of seven tests at the store, so I opted for the pack of 25 strips that I found somewhere online. Every afernoon, I hurried home to test. I even kept all 25 of them, carefully labeled with the date, and glued into a folder so I could track the change...or lack thereof. 25 stips, 25 unanswered questions (little did I know that I was in the middle of a 112-day cycle).

Then I started taking my Basal Body Temperature. I figured that this was a one-time investment. I pay for the thermometer one time, and can use it over and over. So every morning, I diligently woke up at the exact same time and tried not to move--as the instructions said that even the slightest movement can alter a true reading. Silly me...I remember leaving my head under the blankets, somehow willing my temperature to rise, as if that would induce ovulation. I tracked my temperature for months! After a while, I felt like I was simply doing so to prove a point of how screwed up my cycle was, rather than trying to discover that I ovulated (I did eventually ovulate on day 64 while tracking my temperature--I remember being so amazed at that temperature shift).

Somewhere along the way, I even bought one of those tiny microscopes that you're supposed to spit on. If your spit creates a "fern" pattern, you supposedly ovulated. Again, silly with the BBT, I found myself trying to get some "really good spit", as if that would induce ovulation.

I knew I was starting to obsess. I was scheduling things around checking to see if I ovulated. I could feel myself spiraling out of control. It was bad. I knew I had to stop. So I did. No more OPKs, no more thermometers, no more silly little microscopes. I found that it was actually very relieving to get rid of it all.

Then I started to take notice of my cervical mucus. I couldn't help it. I found that every time I used the restroom was an excuse (or was it an opportunity?) to check. I wasn't doing "internal" checks. Rather, I was just examining the tissue. And it was totally free, and didn't matter what time it was!

But again, I feel that I'm obsessing. Perhaps it's just a habit. When my cycle was so screwed up, I was constantly checking to see if my period had finally come. Then each time I got pregnant, I was constantly checking to see if I was spotting. Then after a miscarriage, I was constantly checking to see if the bleeding was done. By the time the bleeding ends, I'm constantly checking again for that fertile mucus.

So now that we're on TTC-hiatus, I'm trying to teach my body a new thing. I call it "W.T.F"--"Wipe Then Flush". No looking, no examining, no comparing, no stretching. Just simply "Wipe Then Flush". But's so tempting to sneak a peak. I just don't want to obsess.

As for blessings, we have had the most amazing sunsets lately! What a blessing to see all these colors off our back porch day after day!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Laura, I was able to visit your dad at a wedding yesterday and he shared your story and that you were blogging too, I am really touched and will pray that God will send you a child of your own in his time and your body will be able to conceive and carry without complication. If you are ever in C-town I hope to see you then! Blessings, Kim


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