Monday, June 8, 2009

Next Steps

I'm hoping that the worst is now behind me. I'm still experiencing some cramping and a little bit of bleeding, but I think this is essentially the "period" that follows a miscarriage (I even bled after the D&C with the first loss).

I chatted with the doctor's office this afternoon, and they scheduled me for an ultrasound on Thursday to confirm that everything came out. Assuming (and hoping and praying) that I get the "all clear" from him then, they will monitor my HCG levels with just urine tests, rather than beta HCG tests. So I guess you can say it's a blessing that I won't have to worry about needles and bloodwork (besides, I had enough of needles with the weeks of heparin self-injections).

I'm definitely sad, but I feel like I can start to move forward now. I know that I still have a lot of healing to do--both physically and emotionally--so it's now time to let the healing begin. Please continue to pray that any leftover remnants that might still be in there will all pass between now and the ultrasound on Thursday.

Throughout the course of this loss, I'm realizing just how blessed I am by God's timing. No, I don't quite buy into the "when the time is right, God will provide" sort of thinking--I feel like that is saying that God took away these three babies because our timing was "wrong". I hate that sort of interpretation of God's timing. But rather, given that these losses did happen, it feels like God did what He could to provide for me "in the moments". I took the first round of medication on Thursday and hurt and bled some that night, but not at all on Friday when I came in to work. I took the medication again on Saturday, and hurt throughout the day, but woke up feeling good and ready for church on Sunday (God sure knows how much I needed that spiritual nourishment!). I hurt Sunday afternoon, but had the luxury of just curling up with a heating pad (God even provided an extra-innings Cubs game for extended couch dwelling). I experienced the hard times in the safety of my own home over the course of the weekend, and now feel well enough to come to work for a new week. I know I could take the time off (and I plan to do so on Thursday--which, by the way, is when the doctor's office scheduled the ultrasound), but I also want to be able to be here for my incoming students when they are here for Orientation. So yes, in spite of the loss, I'm blessed that God's timing was perfect throughout it.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you have had a rough way to go. The waiting "game" is hard, isn't it? I will pray for you, that God will give you the comfort and strength you need. Feel free to e-mail if you ever want to "talk". Sometimes talking is the most therapeutic.


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