My doctor returned to the office yesterday, and they were able to schedule me this morning for an ultrasound to see how things were progressing (or shall I say "why things weren't progressing"?). He initially couldn't even find the baby, but after more poking around found it, but said "it doesn't even look right". I know he wasn't trying to be hurtful, but it still hurts. I feel like we created something that is incomplete.
He gave us three options: 1) wait it out; 2) take Cytotec (which is technically an ulcer medication, but is supposed to open the cervix); or 3) perform a D&C. It's hard to make an educated decision without a medical background, so I appreciate that he said "if you were my kid, I'd recommend the Cytotec". So I chose what's behind Door #2, and I'll take the Cytotec after work today.
I've heard mixed reviews on this option. After a D&C for the first miscarriage, a dear friend said she would recommend the D&C over the Cytotec because it took forever for things to happen for her. But the doctor also said that he's seen it work for patients in 30 minutes to 4 hours. So I'm hoping that things go quickly. If they don't, he said that they'll schedule me for a D&C early next week. So please--pray that the medication works tonight. I can handle the cramps and pain and blood that are bound to come, but this whole period of waiting and knowing that a miscarriage is inevitable hurts in a different way. I know that God loves me and cares for me, but He feels so far away right now.
On a more positive note, I knew that this blessing was coming, but it was still nice to receive it yesterday. A couple of weeks ago, I was notified that I had been selected as the "Advisor of the Year" in our college. Since I don't have any (living) children of my own, I try the best I can to be a resource and encourager for my students. So I was totally honored and humbled to receive the recognition. But on top of it, I was surprised to receive a check for $500 as well! I truly am blessed.