Update on the Inevitable

My doctor returned to the office yesterday, and they were able to schedule me this morning for an ultrasound to see how things were progressing (or shall I say "why things weren't progressing"?). He initially couldn't even find the baby, but after more poking around found it, but said "it doesn't even look right". I know he wasn't trying to be hurtful, but it still hurts. I feel like we created something that is incomplete.

He gave us three options: 1) wait it out; 2) take Cytotec (which is technically an ulcer medication, but is supposed to open the cervix); or 3) perform a D&C. It's hard to make an educated decision without a medical background, so I appreciate that he said "if you were my kid, I'd recommend the Cytotec". So I chose what's behind Door #2, and I'll take the Cytotec after work today.

I've heard mixed reviews on this option. After a D&C for the first miscarriage, a dear friend said she would recommend the D&C over the Cytotec because it took forever for things to happen for her. But the doctor also said that he's seen it work for patients in 30 minutes to 4 hours. So I'm hoping that things go quickly. If they don't, he said that they'll schedule me for a D&C early next week. So please--pray that the medication works tonight. I can handle the cramps and pain and blood that are bound to come, but this whole period of waiting and knowing that a miscarriage is inevitable hurts in a different way. I know that God loves me and cares for me, but He feels so far away right now.

On a more positive note, I knew that this blessing was coming, but it was still nice to receive it yesterday. A couple of weeks ago, I was notified that I had been selected as the "Advisor of the Year" in our college. Since I don't have any (living) children of my own, I try the best I can to be a resource and encourager for my students. So I was totally honored and humbled to receive the recognition. But on top of it, I was surprised to receive a check for $500 as well! I truly am blessed.