Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Flippant Fertile

Last night was Monday Night Football, so we had friends over to our house to watch and socialize.  My very-dear friend (and husband) invited a not-so-dear friend and 16-month little girl (and husband).  I really struggle with this not-so-dear friend.  The first time I met her (through the very-dear friend), she announced that I should "watch out" because "it only takes 39 days to get pregnant after you go off birth control!".  To her credit, she had no clue that I was still picking up the pieces from my first loss.  Anyway, she's now pregnant with her second child (she announced it on fb the morning she took the test with simply "Guess What?", resulting in a string of responses that she let dangle...I admit that I've since "hid" her posts to avoid the torture). 

Inevitably, the conversation turned to babies, and (while drinking her caffeinated soda) the not-so-dear friend almost seemed to be bragging about how she found a new OB who will induce when it's convenient for her (she feels that she'll be "tired of being pregnant" by the time she gets to 39 weeks, and that sounds like a good time for her).  The very-dear friend is a doctor, and tried to argue that it's ideal for a mother to carry to the full 40 weeks, and how most doctors won't induce until 41 weeks (unless, of course, there is a medical concern that dictates otherwise).  I didn't wait around to hear the rest of the discussion...I played the hostess card and picked up the plates and headed to the kitchen.

Again, to her credit, the not-so-dear friend has no idea what we're going through (after her initial 39-day proclamation, she just hasn't felt like a "safe" person in which I could confide).  But it is so hard to watch someone be so flippant about her fertility!  I recognize that I have no idea what it feels like to be 39 weeks pregnant--maybe I would be begging the doctors to induce at that point as well.  But after struggling to get pregnant...and now struggling to stay pregnant--I feel like I would be willing to go to any extreme necessary to do whatever it is that would maximize my chances of a healthy pregnancy.  I know that she's a loving mom, and will be to the second child as well, but it's still so hard to watch.  Part of me wishes that I could have the luxury to be so care-free about fertility...and the other part of me wants her to know what it's like to practice caution.

Anyway, flippant fertile aside, my blessing for today is the opportunity to celebrate my dad's birthday.  I really truly believe that I am blessed with the most amazing dad ever.  My dad is a pastor, and he is the most caring, honest, and hard-working man that I've ever known.  He was such a great role model--not only for me, but for so many others in our little community.  I truly am proud to be his daughter, and I found it fitting to read this verse last night, as it made me think of him:
"Children's children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children."
(Proverbs 17:6)


  1. Ugh. I know what you mean. I can't stand people like this. The worst is the ones who are completely clueless and unfit to be a parent.

    Have fun at the birthday!

  2. This was a GREAT post. Obviously not the reason for why you are posting, but the way you conveyed the story. I feel you 100%... most folks know what we are going through, but others who have been reproductively blessed and who are more on the dense side just toss their hair back like "What, it's hard or something?" I could never imagine in a million years announcing my pregnancy on FB, let alone the day it happened... only because with my miscarriages, it would be a time of worry and stress, not joy. How wonderful for those women to be blessed in such a way, to not have that burden to carry. But for the rest of us.... Blargh! I say "Nuts" to your not so dear friend. Come over and hang out with us instead.

  3. She is obviously not very sensitive. But on the other side, she probably doesn't feel the need to be sensitive if she doesn't know what you are going through. Maybe if you told her just a little (like "We have trouble with pregnancy,") she would watch what she says. Also, it could be an educational moment for her and maybe she would watch her mouth around others with similar problems.

    I can imagine your hurt though. It is starting to bug me, too, when others get pregnant easily and act as if it is no big deal (like something everyone should be able to do). Hang in there!

  4. great post, Laura. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this 'acquaintance' It really takes a strong person to bite their lip and fight every urge not to respond with something to bring her into your reality - but I get that you don't feel that she's a safe person to talk to about it. I would let it go too, but secretly wish that she start breaking out in zits or something just to make it 'not so easy' (i'm sorry I'm being bad!) I think that our blessing is that when we get to be obviously pregnant we will be so careful and so sensitive to what we say to other women, and we will have the understanding that this little life is truly a blessing and that we will never take it for granted.

  5. Taking things for granted is easy for some and it seems this not so good friend of yours does that. Some take the greatest gifts and miracles for granted without a second thought. At times I find myself wishing I could make them think things through--not take as much for granted, count their blessings in the miracles. But, then I realize that not all people can see the blessings they have been given. So, instead, I pray for them...that someday they will be able to see the miracles that they are given and how wonderfully they have been blessed. I am certain that after reading your blog for months now--well, stopping in at least to check up---that this something that you will do. Hang in there. Some people just don't get it yet...we can only pray for them.
    Besides, I am praying for you...may this month bring a blessing of news to your house.


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