I guess that a "Happy Birthday" title can be a little bit misleading when I'm 38+ weeks pregnant. No, no Baby Girl yet. Rather, today is my husband's birthday--and to be honest, I think I'm more excited about it than he is (or perhaps I'm just super-excited about the restaurant where we'll go out to dinner to celebrate).
I hate to admit it, but I didn't exactly help him ring in his new year appropriately. I woke up at 11:50 pm last night to pee (big surprise there) and realized that he wasn't in bed beside me. I went out to the living room, where I found him asleep on the couch. I asked him why he was on the couch, and he kindly (albeit sleepily) informed me that I was snoring really loud and kept him up. Oops! I've never been a snorer (at least not as far as I know), but there are plenty of times when I've nudged him in the middle of the night to get him to roll over. But I guess that he figured that he couldn't exactly get me to roll over at this point in the pregnancy, so he opted for the couch instead. I feel bad, but I appreciate that he is so understanding.
Like I said, we'll go out to dinner tonight as an amazing restaurant where the menu changes twice daily, and then we'll meet up with our circle of friends for dessert. I had tried to plan the desserts as a surprise, but that got messed up when I asked him to log into my facebook to post something on his sister's wall while I was making dinner one night, and he logged into my messages instead. He appreciated the effort, and this way I didn't have to lie to him for two weeks about why he can't hang out with his friends on his birthday. It's the thought that counts, right?
Speaking of thoughts...it dawned on me on my drive home today while talking to my mom that I hadn't thought about my first loss. Today not only celebrates my husband's birthday, but it also marks the two-year anniversary of our first loss. Although this date is always a part of me, I do admit that I felt a little bit "bad" for not recognizing it first thing this morning. But at the same time, perhaps it's also a sign of growth. Last year, it took effort to make a conscientious decision to celebrate my husband's life rather than dwell on the pain of the loss. I know that the excitement of meeting our Baby Girl soon helps to ease the pain as well, but I think it's still important for me to continue to celebrate my husband and his life and all that I have to look forward to with him, rather than allow myself to get stuck in the past. I'll never forget my losses--they are a part of who I am. And so even though I feel "bad"...it also feels good to not have that experience be the first thing on my mind when I wake up on this day, year after year. I love my husband, and I love that he is the first thing on my mind.
With that, he's my blessing for today. I love him dearly, and I'm so excited for all that this year has in store for both of us. I am so blessed that God brought someone into my life who loves me, supports me, cherishes me, and yes--at times--tolerates me. I just pray that I can be a good wife to him, and a good mother to our children.