To Test, Or Not To Test

With the most recent loss, my RE told me to just monitor my HCG levels with HPTs rather than bloodwork.  So I bought a three-pack.  The first was still positive about two weeks later, the second was negative after our trip to Chicago...and the third is still under the sink in the guest bathroom, just waiting for me.

My husband's birthday is on Thursday.  I would love nothing more than to bless him with news that we're pregnant again on his birthday.  But I think I ovulated around this time last week (Cycle Day 21...last cycle was 34 days)...so I fear that it would be too early to test.  I realize that marketing for so many tests claim that you can get results five days before your expected period.  But as much as I would like to know by his birthday, I also don't want to be sorely disappointed on his birthday.  (Besides, my breasts don't hurt...which were a clear sign in the last three pregnancies).

To complicate this calendar, I'm scheduled for my annual exam with the OBGYN on Wednesday.  I can just imagine that conversation:

• Nurse:  "What is the first day of your last cycle?"
• Me:  "Monday, August 17th"
• Nurse:  "So...you're late?"
• Me:  "Well, yes, by a perfect 28-day cycle, then yes, I am.  But I think that I ovulated around September 7th, which would be around Cycle Day 21...but last month was 34 days..." (and then I would probably continue about how my cycle was completely out of whack the previous year and is now better with the help of diet, exercise, and Metformin, but still not perfect--probably way too much information that the poor Nurse was expecting)
• Nurse:  "So...you might be pregnant"
• Me:  "Well, maybe...hopefully!"  (and then I would probably go through this whole battle that's going on in my mind about testing now or waiting)

Part of me wants to say that if they offer to do a test, then perhaps I'll take them up on the offer and use theirs instead of wasting mine.  But part of me also has this nagging thought that HCG levels are more concentrated first thing in the morning...and my appointment isn't until 2:00 in the afternoon.  So I'm back to "square one".  Perhaps the doctor will be able to tell, just by looking inside...

I'm really trying to practice patience...and there is just something so despairing about a negative test--especially when it's my last one.  I realize that I can easily buy more tests (and I almost did yesterday), but I guess it would just feel really rewarding to have a truly positive test out of the package that I purchased for tracking the last loss...as if I can find something good and beautiful out of something that started out as heartbreaking and sad.

Today's blessing is the completion of our dirtwork.  Our backyard looks so bare without all the weeds...but it really does look good!  And no more weeds is a bonus blessing!  There is a ton of potential for some cool projects.  Now it's just a matter of deciding what to do (and coming up with the finances).