At the beginning of the month, I posted my fears about facing September. It's now the last day of the month, and I survived the painful anniversaries. September 17th was bittersweet. I remembered the traumatic loss of my first baby, but I chose to focus on the joy of my husband's birthday. Up until that day, I had cursed God that the two days coincided. That morning, I realized that it might actually be a blessing. I had a reason to get up that morning. I had a reason to dress up. I had a reason to celebrate. I had my husband, who loves me dearly.
I didn't get pregnant this month. In my perfect little plan in my head, getting pregnant this month would have been a perfect way to cap off a year of loss. I could have told my husband on his birthday, or perhaps my parents on their anniversary. But it didn't work out that way, and I realize that my perfect little plan in my head is no where near to the richness of the amazing plan that God has for my life.
My blessing is the support, understanding, and prayers that I have received this month (and beyond) through the connections that I have made through this blog. Thank you for being with me through these challenging times. I don't personally know anyone else who has struggled with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss, so I would be lost without those of you who have been through this and understand me. I don't say it enough--thank you.