Beyond Excited and Freakishly Scared

Thank you so much for your kind words, encouragement, and prayers yesterday.  After posting, I called my RE and spoke with the receptionist, who gave me the green light to go and get my blood drawn for my first beta.  Surprisingly, I was in and out of the lab in 10 minutes (the lab they use is not a part of the RE's office).  Shortly after returning, the receptionist called back to let me know that the RE wanted me to continue the heparin injections until they could retest my Protein C/S levels on Monday.  My levels were slightly elevated in February 2009, then normal in September 2009 when I asked them to retest before my insurance changed.  So I assumed that I was in the clear, but I understand and appreciate the caution in having me tolerate the injections until they can test the levels again.  I had a few leftover vials from last time, so I'm really hoping that they will get me through until the results come back...and then hoping that I won't need them anymore beyond that.  But if I do need them, of course I'll gladly bear the pain.  He also prescribed Progesterone supplements (suppositories...ew yuck), which again, I had some leftovers (though I'll probably need a refill on those).  The RE's office won't get the results of the first beta until Monday, at which point I'll go in for the second round (and Thyroid and Protein C/S as well).  Although I'm curious to know my first number, it's kind of nice to not have to think about doubling times over the course of the weekend.  Rather, I'll probably get the first number on Monday and the second number on Tuesday, and just have 24 hours to think about it.

I told my three friends from church about the pregnancy, and shared with them that I'm beyond excited and freakishly scared, all at the same time.  I know it's early, but I need their prayer, support, and understanding.  Some prefer to keep this sort of thing a secret, and I don't blame them.  But as much as I want to think that I'm strong and independent, I know that I deeply rely on those who are closest to me.

I'm back out on the tightrope, and all I can do is trust God.  I think it's all still kind of sinking in that I'm pregnant again.  I truly am beyond excited, but I'm also freakishly scared.  It's tough to do this again when my last three ended in loss.  I'm hoping and praying that this one sticks, and I totally appreciate your continued prayers as well.

Today's blessing was some sunshine after a couple of days of rain.  We need the rain, but it's so nice to see a little bit of sunshine after the atypical amount of rain that we got this week.