Thursday, January 28, 2010

So Hard

I was in a Dixie Chicks mood over the weekend, so dug through my CDs to find their most recent album (whch I realize is now a few years old).  I hadn't listened to it in a while, but was immediately touched by the lyrics of Track 13, titled "So Hard":

Back when we started
We didn't know how hard it was
Living on nothing
But what the wind would bring to us
Now we've got something
I can imagine fighting for
So why is fighting all that we're good at anymore

And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard

It felt like a given
Something a woman's born to do
A natural ambition
To see a reflection of me and you
And I'd feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn't give
And could you be happy
If life wasn't how we pictured it

And sometimes I just want to wait it out
To prove everybody wrong
And I need your help to move on
Cause you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
So hard

I can live for the moment
When all these clouds open up for me to see
And show me a vision
Of you and me swimming peacefully
Last night you told me
That you can't remember
How to feel free

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy, easy
It's so hard

I hadn't realized the significance of the song when I first heard it, but it really resonates with me now.  After listening to it in the car, I immediately headed home and found an article in which the sisters shared their struggles with fertility.

I wish everything wasn't so hard.  Even now that I'm pregnant, I still continue to worry.  I woke up this morning to realize that my boobs don't ache the way that I wish they would.  I also didn't wake up in the middle of the night to pee, like I had the two previous nights.  My mind starts going to places where it shouldn't...and all I can do is call out to God to bless me.

My blessing today is the chance to have lunch with my very-dear friend.  In addition to being a prayer warrior, she's also just about done with med school, so she has precious knowledge to share with me that helps me better understand the human body.  I'm so blessed that God brought her into my life.

5 comments:

  1. Those lyrics are just perfect. I hope that your body starts reacting the way you want it to and that you are able to find peace. Thinking of you.

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  2. I just have to tell you that I came across your blog after doing a search for "recurrent miscarriages". I have been reading for the past hour now, sitting at my desk at work crying. I have suffered three miscarriages and have had similar experiences. I am not currently pregnant but I pray that someday I will hold my baby in my arms and I pray that you will hold this baby in your arms.

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  3. See how you have touched people with your blog. Hurting is never easy and the ride we take can leave us on a rollercoaster that we call life. But, looking at the other Anonymous post above..I can tell you are touching lives you don't even know.

    Just checking in because you came to mind today. Wanted to see how everything was going and I am anxious to see the first Ultrasound picture! This will be an amazing year! Blessings, The Anonymous reader from PA :)

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  4. I had no idea about the Dixie sisters - thank you for sharing those lyrics- they really touched me and I am still praying for you and your little bean!!

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  5. Laura, I think you and I have soooo much in common. Not only have we both experienced some loss....BUT we were both married in March of 2007, anddddd wear baseball hats! lol! Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. I never really liked the Dixie Chicks...but I will go and check out that song...

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