Sunday, June 6, 2010

A Year Ago

A year ago today, we lost our third baby.

Unlike our first loss (on my husband's birthday) and our second loss (on Valentine's Day), there is nothing else marked on the calendar to celebrate today.  I can't claim that today is "bitter-sweet", and mourn the bitterness of the loss but celebrate the sweetness of my husband on his birthday or (the recognizably highly over-commercialized) Valentine's Day.  And yet, I have something else to celebrate.  God has blessed me, and I'm further along in this pregnancy than in any of the previous three.

This morning in church, as I felt our baby girl moving around, I thought about "loss".  Ever since our first loss, I've shared that I've always preferred to refer to the experience as "loss" rather than "miscarriage".  And yet this morning, I had another little "a-ha moment" when I started to formulate the idea that even though I may have experienced the sensation of "losing" those babies (as a "verb"), perhaps they aren't truly "lost" (as an "adjective").  As a Christian, I believe that those who believe in God and accept Him as their Lord and Saviour will be united with Him again in Heaven.  Although the Bible does not specifically address the "what happens when a baby dies?" question, I know that God claims that He loves the little children, thus prompting me to believe that I will on day be reunited with my babies in Heaven.  And so, although I most definitely mourn for the experience of losing those babies, I can't claim them to be "lost".  Rather, I truly believe that they are in Heaven with their Heavenly Father.

In my own selfishness, do I wish that I still had those babies with me?  Of course!  Do I wish that I could have avoided the pain and sorrow that I experienced?  Of course!  And yet, I must remind myself that those babies are in a far superior place with a God who loves them even more than I ever could.  I do look forward to being reunited with them someday in Heaven, but for now, I'm overwhelmed at God's goodness and His abundant blessings in my life.  A year ago, I mourned the loss of our third baby.  Today, as I remember that loss, I also praise God for blessing me with this baby girl who continues to grow and kick and stretch and live in my belly.

Today's blessing is the companionship with my husband that I find through our marriage.  Our pastor preached today on marriage, and how we are created to be "suitable helpers" (or more accurately "strong compliments") to each other.  He may not be perfect in all areas, but my husband really is the perfect companion to me.  Of course...he left today for a two week Army Reserves commitment, but it makes me look forward to the return of his companionship even more.


  1. God is truly amazing in how he carries us through the weak points only to make us stronger than we ever thought we could be. Believing that one day I will be with my precious angels is what helped me get through those days when I felt like I couldn't get out of bed and face a world full of babies and pregnant woman. I can't even begin to tell you how very happy I am for you and your hubby. I just know that you are both going to make such amazing parents, especially with the obvious strength you have in the Lord. God Bless.

  2. When I was at church today my baby was moving around like crazy too! I am sorry that you have to have these "days" that we have such sad memories. I am glad that you are at this place and far along in your pregnancy...soooo happy for you!! :)

  3. There came a time for me that it was hard to count my blessings. And with the 2 recent losses it was hard for me to be happy about God's greatest husband, family, friends, the baby...But with His strength & courage, I can see His marvelous works in you. This is the furthest I've been in my pregnancy too. Everyday I thank God for each day is a milestone. Hang in there and be of good cheer!!! =) You're in my prayers daily.

  4. Thinking of you! Feeling your baby kick in church is a sign that God is good and is taking care of you!

  5. How wonderful it is to know that God has our little ones in His keeping - even the little ones who never reached our arms. God bless!

  6. I am so sorry you experienced such extreme sorrow THREE heart-wrenching times! But can I tell you how excited I am to see pictures posted by a proud mommy of your beautiful baby girl?

    Hang in there these next 2 weeks - he'll be home before you know it!

  7. absolutely...i give you permission to post a prayer request. I may not be able to check my posts because I may have to be admitted to the hospital. But you can certainly email me at tiramisucakes at yahoo dot com.

    Thank you for your prayers...


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